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December Review

bob fleming

By bob fleming
in Messageboard Gold

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bob fleming World Cup

bob fleming

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Good Evening. Welcome to the final monthly review of the calendar year, let’s keep it traditional and review the month of December. I was going to do March or August again but that would’ve been bloody stupid. Besides, there’s eight games, that’s nearly half a season, to look back on through our blue and white spectacles.

So, let’s open up another bottle of Port, light a cigar, put that crappy jumper on that your aunt bought you and look back on the month most of us call December.

Saturday 02 December. Rovers 2 Fulham 0. The Christmas festivities started with a bang, Benedictine McCarthy, with newly shaved heed, and Doctor Shabba Chris Hey Nonny Nonda Congo (to give him his full name) with the goals in what was a strange affair at Ewood.

Strange in that we actually had a home kick off at 3.00 on a Saturday (first time since March) and also strange in that we were playing a team in Fulham who earlier that week had beaten Arsenal and yet gave the impression when we played them that they would struggle to beat the The Fernhurst Farm Nursery Under 3’s Second XI.

The Good Doctor scored the first, using a lesser known medical procedure, he was able to dislocate his hip from it’s socket in mid air in order to reach a high through ball. With the extra yard or two that this gave him he was able steer the ball past the hapless, **** witted goalkeeper Jan Lastuvka, before reconnecting his hip to the rest of his freakish body. A great finish and great technique.

Benedictine Mac added the second, another ball over the top, great control by our man bought him the extra yard he needed to get a shot off. Knowing his angles he even had the audacity to place his shot off ex Rover Ian Pearce. This caused the ball to loop and arch over the hapless Jan into the top right hand corner.

Clever stuff again from one of our African strikers. Sometimes I wonder how they do it.

We could have scored more, The Artist missed a sitter, Bert should have done better and Benedictine also had a great chance in the second half but chose to volley when surely a header would have brought his second of the match.

Still, no harm done. That was us up to 14th and our first win in the league since October 1st.

Sunday 03 December. The greatest cup competition in the world, after the UEFA Cup, gets slightly interesting for ten minutes when the FA Cup 3rd round draw takes place. We get Everton. Away. How very exciting.

Tuesday 05 December. Chorlton Athletic 1 Rovers 0. Rovers visited Manchester, apparently, for their fifteenth game of the season.

At around 9.55 that evening I was startled by the sound of a ringing noise. “Jingle Bells?” I thought. Unfortunately not. We can pretend that everything’s OK for only so long, then a result comes along and slaps you in the face with a wet fish and you wake up. Smelling of fish.

Anyway, we managed to help another team who were currently bottom of the table by gifting them the three points. They won with the last kick of the game from a free kick that we managed to avoid defending. Ellen Kalcory, with the decisive strike.

Still all was not lost, we sat 16th in the league and marched blindlessly on to the next game…

Saturday 9 December. Rovers 1 Newcastle United 3. Ah! Alarm Bells! That’s what it was.

Another insipid display. The first half was as bad as anything I'd seen for a long long time (nearly as bad as Harmison’s first ball of the first Test). Anything up to six players not putting it in / not playing well / waiting for a move to Liverpool (in my opinion the performances of Pedersen, Bentley, Neill, Gray, Yorke and Cole just weren’t good enough).

Two down at half time. Martins with the first and then Steven Taylor adding the second when Mickey Gray allowed a zebra to sit on him instead of clearing his lines.

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A Zebra. Not as funny as he thinks he is, sitting on Mickey Gray (just out of picture, chatting up Colleen, probably).

Just to improve the mood the referee finally remembered he was at a Blackburn Rovers match and sent one of our players off. Swiss Tony Henchoz won a header against the boy Martins and then fell on him. Noticing that Martins was clean through on goal, or to be more precise, 40 yards away on the left wing, the referee really had no other choice other than to ruin the football match.

In fairness we did buck up a little in the second half. Within a few minutes of the restart The Artist scored a cracker. Cutting in from the left and ignoring his protruding broken rib he smashed a curling shot with his right foot into the top corner of Seamus Given’s goal. We could have nicked a point but Seamus made a good save from an Artist header late on.

They went up the other end and scored again, Brad had strayed out of his area, clearly a lack of concentration on his part and all of a sudden he found himself approximately 100 yards off his goal line. The quick witted Martins spotted this and lobbed him.

Wednesday 13 December. Rovers 1 Nancy Lorraine 0. A win!

Of course this was in Europe though, we’d already qualified, league points were now becoming a big priority.

“Lucas Neill’s a football genius!” or “Lucas Neill’s a homosexual!”. Delete as you see fit. Either way he won us the match in the 92nd minute with a well taken goal from a corner, firing low into the right hand side of Nancy and Lorraine’s goal.

With us already qualified Hughes decided to give some of the kids a run out. They needed it, some were getting a bit fidgety having been couped up for so long. Pauly Gallagher and Matty Derbyshire up front, Edward Nolan came on for Andy Todd and played right back, complementing Jay McCleverly on the left. German Sergio Peter played an efficient game on the wing but alas, and you’ve seen this coming I hope, let himself down with his obvious lack of sense of humour.

Friday 15 December. The UEFA Cup Draw ‘Group 32’ takes place. We get a reasonably good draw and will be jetting off to the Mediterranean climes of Southern Germany for a visit to crack outfit, Bay Of Lederhosen. If we get through that little two legged German banana skin we'll meet French side Lens or the Geeks Panathinaikos.

Saturday 16 December. Reading 1 Blackburn Rovers 2.

Enough of this European frivolity, it was back to the bread and butter, the meat and two veg that is the English Premier League, arguably the greatest league in England.

We went in at the break one nil down thanks to a goal from Harper. My mood couldn’t have been darker, that was it, it’s all over, the end is nigh, we’re doomed.

But of course it wasn’t to be. All together… “Hey Benni, Benni Mac, oh Benni Mac, when are you coming back? (Onside)”.

Benni had managed to score three offisde "goals", one of which was a good goal and should have stood. Then the poor linesman clearly began to suffer from Repetitive Strain Injury. Benni had eventually worn him down and he (Benni not the linesman) brought us level with a well placed header from Lucas Neill’s cross. The linesman was a broken man, replays on MOTD2 showed him straining to raise his flag again but he was in too much pain. Clever stuff from our positionally challenged South African strike ace.

Then just when you thought a draw was in the bag, along came David Bentley. Dave received an excellent pass from ex-burnley man John Oster and then made his way up the right wing, he showed great pace (or had the Reading left back been wounded by a sniper?) before unleashing a fantastic shot from 20 odd yards into the roof of the goal, giving their keeper, Marcus Hahnemannanman no chance. Another great goal from us.

We left with three points in the bag and marched up to the dizzy heights of 16th.

Saturday 23 December. Arsenal 6 Rovers 2.

A few days earlier Mark Hughes was stating that it would be a good idea if they introduced a winter break into the season. Obviously his suggestion fell on deaf ears with the FA so Hughes took it upon himself to give our defence an early finish at the romantically named “Emirates Stadium”.

Three goals in the last five minutes of this game meant that the score line flattered the home team. Basically they got lucky and managed to string a few passes together while we watched.

Adebackdoor (Pen), Van Percy x2, Hoof, Gilberto and Flamini for the Arse and Doctor Shabba Chris Hey Nonny Nonda Congo with our two, one of which was a penalty.

Looking back it was a huge mistake on our part to take the lead so early on. Something that we’ll no doubt be working hard to eradicate over the next few months.

Not a good result but it may have been so different if The Artist had equalised in the last ten minutes and made it 3-3. Lehmann somehow managing to make a save from his volley.

That was us back down to 17th, it was getting a bit tight down at the foot of the table now.

Sunday 26 December. Rovers 1 Liverpool 0

Boxing Day. It’s always been on the 26th for as long as I can remember. What would Williams and Finn pay the Premier League if we could play at home every Boxing Day? 29,342 turned up, paying the A+++ prices. Record gate receipts of £83,532,956.49 will mean that Rovers will now surely look to bring in a player on loan in January.

Novembers review was published in 4000 Holes which was nice. “Bob Fleming is developing a cult following with his monthly review on www.brfcs.co.uk” it read. Too true, there are a number of different cults who post on brfcs.co.uk.

Anyway, we beat the Scousers, somehow. Peter The Freak, who likes dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984 (from 1984!), could possibly have had a first half hat trick but didn’t. We rode the storm, scored and then rode the storm again. Like a big blue and white storm riding thing we weren’t going to be denied.

Tugay worked his magic in midfield and sent The Artist off into space (an incredible ball thinking about it) and his cut back was met by Benni Mac who finished well from 6 yards.

Special mention must go to Friedel and Tugay. I thought they were awesome.

IPB Image

Big Brad: Special mention.

The creaking trap door marked “Championship” that leads to the stinking abyss where burnley play their games was closed again with us on the right side of it, we moved nonchalantly on up to 15th.

Saturday 30 December. Rovers 2 Middlesbrough 1

The “Smug Monsters” or whatever they’re called came to our wet town, they weren’t so smug after this result.

It lashed it down, the pitch looked in a poor state and in need of some repair, it probably needs a few quid spending on it which surely won’t be a problem?

Doctor Shabba Chris Hey Nonny Nonda Congo scored again! A long ball over the top (sounds familiar?) and he got a cracking shot in on goal, volleying precisely and with power past a bemused Schwarzer. A great finish from the Congolese forward.

It rained a bit more, then it was half time, then Lucas Neill threw a judo move and conceded a penalty, in the rain, which Yakubu Aiyegbeni converted at a rain drenched Ewood.

It rained a bit more and then Sav crossed from the right wing and Benedictine scored his eighth goal in the league this season with a well taken header considering the conditions, it had started to rain. There are only three players in the Premier League who have scored more than Benni this season.

It rained some more and then we won.

We’re 14th going into 2007 and could go 9th if we win our game in hand (Watford away).

And that was that. The end of December. The end of 2006. For a time back there it looked like the end of the world as well. Played 8, Won 5, Lost 3. Not a bad return really. To think that some on brfcs.co.uk actually started talking about how long Hughes had left in the job!

Finally after threatening to pack this in last month I’ve changed my mind, like a big girl. It would appear that some people like this sort of thing which is a sad reflection on society. Sickos. Consider this as my second ever final farewell tour, kind of like the band Madness, but without the jokes.

January sees the opening of the transfer window. Let’s see if Williams can get some money out of the Trustees. How is the search for new investment going by the way? Anyone know? Anyone seen an advert?

Good Luck For 2007, All The Very Best, Happy New Year, Have a Good One.

See you in Glasgow?

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Modi Premier League

Modi

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tidy review bob, well pleased you have changed your mind.

one thing i don't understand, why do you call morten gamst pedersen the artist?

The Artist Formerly Known As Morten Gamst Pedersen.

Either a reference to Pedersen being known now as Gamst, or the fact this season we've had an imposter playing with the same name.

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tchocky Uefa Europa League

tchocky

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The Artist Formerly Known As Morten Gamst Pedersen.

Either a reference to Pedersen being known now as Gamst, or the fact this season we've had an imposter playing with the same name.

I think it's a reference to Mortens boyband tour this summer... They even recorded a single, I think. Shockingly bad and embarassing, butat least the proceeds went to charity. Maybe it should be The Charitable Artist.

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colin Champions League

colin

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Finally after threatening to pack this in last month I’ve changed my mind, like a big girl. It would appear that some people like this sort of thing which is a sad reflection on society. Sickos. Consider this as my second ever final farewell tour, kind of like the band Madness, but without the jokes.

Well done Big Girl.

Yours etc Sicko

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RevidgeBlue World Cup

RevidgeBlue

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Saturday 16 December. Reading 1 Blackburn Rovers 2.

Enough of this European frivolity, it was back to the bread and butter, the meat and two veg that is the English Premier League, arguably the greatest league in England.

We went in at the break one nil down thanks to a goal from Harper. My mood couldn’t have been darker, that was it, it’s all over, the end is nigh, we’re doomed.

Crikey, I'd completely forgotten how bleak it looked at half time against Reading. Amazing to think it was only about sixteen days ago!

But of course it wasn’t to be. All together… “Hey Benni, Benni Mac, oh Benni Mac, when are you coming back? (Onside)”.

Just noticed that on re-reading the post today, what a classic, we HAVE to get the Blackburn End singing that! :lol:

I'm sure he'd take it in good humour! :unsure:

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Nayef Premier League

Nayef

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Cheers Mr Fleming. Particulalry useful for moi.

After seeing the Rovers at Reading, I flew out to Lahore for the holidays from the 22nd December through to today. With no internet access at all, I had no idea how the Rovers would fare in the games after Reading.

I got a nasty text from a mate stating "6-2. You should find a new team to support."

I knew we were playing Arsenal so I thought I should enjoy the holidays and wait for the grim news of all our defeats when I get back to England instead of looking for an internet cafe down there.

9 points out of Liverpool, Mboro and Wigan?!!

Rovers - I really don't know what to expect from you anymore!

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