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Big Ron again - It's not my policy to comment on referees and I'm not making an exception for this idiot.

A lower league Scottish manager (Jim Lambie I think) had a reputation for quick wit. One of his players had gone down with a head injury and was brought off for treatment near the technical area. The

My manager used to scream at me to 'get up his arse'. I took him at his word and duly obliged. I wasn't picked again. 

Just as a FYI (although I'm sure many of the older posters know) these sporting quotes and gaffes were originally called Colemanballs, a phrase coined by Private Eye magazine to describe the cock ups of sports journalists, after the late David Coleman.

Edited by DeeCee
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1 Sir Bobby Robson: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."

2 Dave Bassett: "You weigh up the pros and cons and put them in chronological order."

3 David Beckham: "My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven."

4 Ian Rush: "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."

5 Kevin Keegan: "Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties."

6 Mark Viduka: "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the League."

7 Paul Gascoigne: "I never predict anything and I never will."

8 Ron Atkinson: "Giving the ball away doesn't seem to work in international football."

9 Stuart Pearce: "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."

10 Terry McDermott: "No one hands you cups on a plate."

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What about the old, probably apocryphal one that Tommy Docherty used to tell - When he was a kid he got signed up by Preston when they still had Tom Finney playing for them. At some point later on he was offered the fantastic salary of 20 quid a week in the season and 10 quid a week in the close season (used to happen then, kids). He said 'No, I want 20 quid a season and 20 quid close season' The manager said 'Only Tom Finney gets 20 quid a week in the close season, and he's a much better player than you'. Docherty said 'Not in the close season, he's not'.

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One of my favourite Coleman balls is when he is commenting on a Lynford Christie race, "as he came round the last bend he opened his legs and showed us his class."

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On 10/08/2020 at 20:50, simongarnerisgod said:

ian holloway on qpr performance

 

“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee” – on the “ugly” win against Chesterfield

My all time favourite! 

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Not so much a funny quote but one that bugs me. Any variation of 'You couldn't write a script like this!'

Yes, some of TVs finest script-writers, the likes of Jimmy McGovern, Sally Wainwright, Jed Mercurio, Vince Gilligan and whoever else, couldn't possibly conceive of Gary Taylor-Fletcher scoring in the 85th minute vs Stoke...

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Tommy docherty was advised by a scout to sign a player. The scout said this guy doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat. Several months later the scout rang to check on the players progress. Tom docherty replied you’re right he doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat and I’ll tell you three other words he doesn’t know the meaning of pass , shoot and dribble.

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9 minutes ago, Boroblue said:

Tommy docherty was advised by a scout to sign a player. The scout said this guy doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat. Several months later the scout rang to check on the players progress. Tom docherty replied you’re right he doesn’t know the meaning of the word defeat and I’ll tell you three other words he doesn’t know the meaning of pass , shoot and dribble.

?. Apparently defeat is ok - according to Nelson Mandela's chiropodist!

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One told to me by Jack Campbell who played for Rovers in the 1952 cup game at Ewood with WBA. It was 0-0 with about 3 minutes to go, WBA defender handles on the line to stop a shot going in. Bill Eckersley comes up to take the penalty and the goalie is messing around, the ‘conversation’ went something like this

B E What’s bothering you?

GK Oh I’m just making sure balls on the spot.

B E Well if tha gets back o thi line tha’ll find it’s in back o net in a minute 

He did

Edited by renrag
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Marco Van Basten (after having been tackled by Guiseppe Bergomi in a Milan-Inter derby): "Hey Bergomi, not only are you a terrible footballer, you're ugly too"

Bergomi: "Maybe so, but at least I'm not in the gossip tabloids every week."

Van Basten: "That's because you're so ugly."

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Why do British football commentators call Seville by their Spanish name? They say "Say-vee-ya" Why don't they call them by the English term, "Seville"?

If they must use the correct local name for the foreign teams then should be Bayern München. And I bet the cannot pronounce properly "Paris" in Paris Saint Germain.

Anyhow, it should be "Say-bee-ya" for Seville.

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Here here Bazza. Too many clever dicks these days among so called commentators constantly churning out statistics rather than actually commenting on the game. Tyler being one of the worst.
Oh for the likes of Brian Moore or Kenneth Wolstenhome.

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