These are dark days; all is not well at Planet Ewood; the Dark Mark looms over the ground. Facing the onset of winter, the Jedis have lost their last three domestic battles. Events have conspired against them, injuries robbing them of their bravest warriors, officials screwing them over and over again. The next battle lies around the corner, a fight against mighty opponents. We begin this preview then, with a look back in history.

In the year 1992P.L, a galaxy named the English Premier League was formed. Since then, it has been plagued by a state of Galactic civil war. Twenty factions compete at any one time, but only four have ruled at one point or another. The most dominant is the Red Scum, led by the Sith Lord Darth Ferguson, who triumphed in 8 out of the 14 wars. The French Daisies come a distant second with 3 wins, and a Blue Mafia financed by dirty money and led by a classless, perpetual liar, has emerged to dominate the last two years.

In popular opinion, the weakest faction is the fourth, the Blue and Whites. Depicted as a ragbag of thugs and renegades by the Galaxy’s supposedly-free-press, the truth is that there is a never ending campaign of propaganda against this faction. In Galaxy-wide discourse, it is almost as if this faction had never triumphed; any trace of its brief one year rule seems to have been erased from the memory of all but a few. For them, the line in the history books noting the success of this faction stands out like a pimple on an otherwise flawless face; an eyesore that must be eradicated. The problem is structural, the forces combine to exert power over this faction. Disliked by the press, disliked by officials, it seems an uphill battle to even just survive.

The recent emergence of the Blue Mafia has meant that the evil Scum empire has been in decline since 2003P.L. However, the Red Scum has shown signs of revival in 2006-07P.L. Most recently, a 4 goal win over a bunch of rogues including a French mercenary and spitting diver, as well as a 3 goal success over a faction of pretenders to the Blue Mafia is evidence that the revival is well underway. The Scum current sit pretty at the top of the table.

This evil faction returns to Ewood Park on 11 Nov to face the Blue and White Jedis. In the last battle of Ewood nine months ago, a young English Padawan had answered the call to arms. A day before that epic battle of 1 Feb 2006P.L, Padawan Bentley saw the Light, left the Frenchies and joined the Jedi order for good. In a team missing the influential Bellamy Skywalker, he delivered three bloody blows to the evil empire, sending them back to Scum Trafford with their horned heads hanging. Clearly, The Force was strong with this lad.

Since that epic battle, the Order has seen many changes. The popular Finnish renegade Kuqi left the camp, as did the little Scot, Dickov.

The most crucial and unplanned loss however, was Skywalker. Having seemingly settled well into The Way of the Jedi, he had risen quickly to become the most important Jedi of them all. Yet, when overtures were made him by a Spanish faction from the Dark Side, one who had never gained power in the P.L era, Bellamy Skywalker was swayed, and walked. When he walked out of the Blue and White Order barely 12 months after joining it, the faction’s small band of loyal followers could not accept it. “Why?” they cried, “You were the Chosen One!”

In response, the Grandmaster Sparky recruited five new fighters: two Africans, one Dutch and one Grenadian. The further addition of Jeffers the Faded Daisy baffled many, but since following the Way, he has shown signs of rediscovering the Force within himself.

The faction have had a mixed set of results in 2006-07P.L. A rough start saw them lose several battles, before going 8 unbeaten. This was followed by 3 domestic defeats, heavily influenced by unjust officiating, begging the question, who actually enforces the rules of engagement? No one, or is it just one set of rules for the Jedis, and another for everybody else? In any case, this poor run of results heralds the visit of the Scum.

The Kiwi Knight, de-facto leader of the faction, and the Irish engine-man Reid have both been injured and not featured. In the leadership position, a Dark-side wannabe has been installed. His head swayed, his intentions appear to be all too obvious. Yet, as long as he remains part of the Order, Grandmaster Sparky does his utmost to bring him back on to the side of the Light. The Kiwi’s position on the battlefield has been taken by the Dutchman, who is beginning to settle in after initially looking worse than the pet Italian Stallion of disgraced former master, Graeme Sour. The Viking Singer, ever popular last term, has come in for criticism for not pulling his weight in recent battles, while the shaggy hound Savage picked up a recent injury and will not feature.

On the bright side, the aged but evergreen Turk Tugda can still be counted on to weave the magic, and Superman Brad is still super. The African Warriors have settled in well, Benni in particular landing seven knockout punches already, potentially propelling him into the rank of Jedi Knight. The brightest sparks however, have been the re-emergence of R2D2 Emerton. Version1 in 2003P.L was well received, Version2 came in for some flack a year later, and everyone wanted to send Version3 to the scrap-yard last year. This new version4, deployed at right back with a new operating system, has been a massive upgrade over all previous versions. The other revelation has been young Padawan Bentley: Under the tutelage of the Jedi Council led by Grandmaster Sparky, and Jedi Masters Bowen and Niedzwicki, the young one has come on in leaps and bounds.

Against this backdrop, the Jedis, depleted as they are, must go to battle. The meek surrender at Villa Park must be forgotten, and never repeated. Recent history is on the side of the underdogs, yet the Scum are in rampaging form. With a decreasing number of supporters and revenue, it is possible that one day, this small, unpopular faction may be indeed be banished; but they say fortune favours the brave, and this is not the day. This day, WE FIGHT.

Big Brad

Neill Todd Ooijer Taylor

Gally Emerton Tugay Bentley

Benni Jeffers

the best we would have gotten out of that game was 0-0; we simply never ever looked like scoring. watching that game, cant help but wish that we had brought sutton back. he did everything that nonda should have done. as a result, he simply murdered us. as for the penalty, what have the officials got against ooijer?! that must be the 3rd he's given away now. harsh, very harsh, but it was given by the linesman and not the ref. but like what the commentators said, if he had given that, surely he had to give petrov's as well. bah, we're used to it by now. are you guys even surprised? and i dont understand what that was about putting henchoz on for neill?

january can't come soon enough. its obvious we are lacking in quality at the moment. please rectify this before its too late. dont let the basel result confuse you, we never deserved to win by 3-0. today we were showed up again, and i fear what rampaging manure will do to us next week if he play like that again.

dont see how we'll get anything out of this game after a very tough game on thursday night. without savage in the centre and emo at right back, we might not even have the legs. surely tugay can't keep playing twice a week? i'm hoping for a draw, but i reckon we'll lose this.

villa 2 (petrov, sutton)

rovers 0

Looks like its moko playing against villa, man u and possibly spurs now...

I thought Ooijer did well today, best I have seen him anyway.

agree with frosty there; ooijer does seem to have (finally) settled in. in fact, i thought he's been improving with every passing game. if only we had nelsen fit...

1-1 draw methinks, and a goal for jeffers to start him on a run.

i could rant all night about the performance, but lets just extract the positives: 4 in 7 now for bentley; mccarthy certainly is class; jeffers looks very good actually - a goal will really set him off i feel, and hopefully he'll get it against basel; neill was determination personified and ran his heart out.

but 3 losses in a row now, and we've got a tricky tie against basel coming up in which we must get a result, because our next three league games are all tough ones.

january - come'on board, its bleeding obvious that we need a new left back and midfielder. its ridiculous how little money sparky has had to spend; surely its time to give him something to work with?

pray tell, why do we never ever put a man on the far post when defending corners? i'm not saying that it would definitely have stopped today's goal, BUT, its just perplexing that we should leave one post unmarked. surely we can afford to put someone there??

Not only did we get the draw, but Bellamy scored second instead! Fate hates you.

If you can't beat the structure, make the best out of it; i'm gonna buy us a win with 20 bucks - 10 on west ham to win, 10 on a draw. Since fate hates me, surely the only other possible outcome will occur!

Agreed, they only way to ensure Rovers do not get beat is to place a bet on West Ham to win. This will ensure the draw, IE no financial gain personally and no three points for Rovers.

we really are a bunch of losers, arent we?

p/s: glad i'm not the only one to do that! most recently i did it against liverpool (ten bucks on a pool win and bellamy to score first); it worked cos we got a draw.

surprised dunny hasnt been mentioned yet. we might not have gotten many penalties but apart from old trafford, i dont remember dunny missing many... our next pen has to go to benni/roberts if they want it... if not let mgp blast the roof of the net off.

You just know what's gonna happen...

West Ham 2 (tevez, tevez)

Rovers 0

1. If the game against West Ham was a five a side, how would your team line up?

Best side for me: Big Brad, Ooijer, Tugay, Savage, Benni

To bruise: Big Brad, Todd, Neill, Mokoena, Nonda

2. Who have been your best and worst players so far?

Best: Emerton has been absolutely astounding this season; we've been badgering him for the last 2-3 seasons but he's been faultless thus far this term. Bentley too is really coming on leaps and bounds, and benni has settled in well. Even savage deserves a mention; he's beginning to look like the player we spent 3m on.

Worst: Gamst (as he likes to be known) has not been up to his usual standards, but i must add that he does offer protection to the left back. Ooijer had a rough start as you would know, but seems to be settling down now. Moko's never been one of the better players technically. This may be controversial, but in my opinion, neill, who is error-prone and suspect positioning, would be one of the worst in the team now.

3. From a less than spectacular start, you seem right back on course (Sunday's madness aside)! What has sparked the transformation?

It was a case of us finding our feet i guess, and the salzburg game set us off on a nice run. The loss of nelsen was crucial for me, as he's quite clearly our best defender since hendry and getting to terms with such a loss understandly took a while. the loss of tugay for the opening 3 matches probably played a part as well; despite his age, he still the one who makes us tick. we could also do with reidy back.

4. What are the strengths and weaknesses of Mark Hughes?

Strengths: Astute, composed, articulate, doesnt crave media attention but will get his point across when needed, protects the club and players, and most importantly, doesnt take and talk nonsense (like a certain manager of a club near you)

Weaknesses: He's a manc and will probably walk there the moment ferguson steps down.

5. Which combo forms your best striking duo?

Mccarthy and Bellamy (if only)

Seriously, we havent had a serious look at all pairings so we can't really give a definitive answer. But its surely Mccarthy and one other. Jeffers has looked promising, Roberts creates havoc when he comes on, and Nonda's been steady if not prolific.

Question for you Upton: What's your prediction for sunday's score? And do you think tevez and/or mascherano will score on sunday? (i think tevez is a nailed on to score personally, and i'm sure i'm not the only one on this board who thinks so [just being a pessimistic rover]). Cheers.

ball might just be the one we turn too seeing that we made an attempt to bring him in during the last window.

27 shots with 11 on target - no goals + 2 penalties missed

the only player we have who would have thrashed the penalty was pedersen, and he wasnt on the pitch. i'm disappointed by the result, more so because we should at the very least have had a draw, but today was clearly a day where we were quite truely jinxed. its just one of those strange comedy of coincidences which will not happen again this season. what i'm worried about however, is that we play chelsea next, and it would always be tough to get a win against that lot. and after that we play westham at upton park, where we never ever win. by this time next week, we could have lost 3 in a row, and that's what i'm worried about.

0-0

well, if lucas really were to go to barca, then fair play to him. but seriously, do you guys really think that he would get into barca's team? if he can't be rated ahead of finnan at liverpool... what more zambrotta?! in any case, i guess my point would be, barca would be an obvious upgrade from us. however, if lucas moves to them or liverpool, who can also be considered bigger than us, then he is going to be giving up a regular place for a spot on the bench at best.

"The party is over," says Keane

After a bright start to Keane's managerial career at the Stadium of Light, it appears as if the players have gone back to their bad old ways again. Keane has had a couple of bad results recently, losing 3-1 to Ipswich and 4-1 to Preston.

I've actually got mixed feelings as to how I want Sunderland to do this season. On the one hand, I want to see this odious Irish thug fall flat on his face. But on the other hand, it could be in Rovers' best interests for Keane to succeed at Sunderland. If Keane were to take Sunderland up into the Premiership and transform their fortunes, he could well be a rival for Mark Hughes to take over at Old Trafford when Fergie eventually retires.

Keane would certainly be a popular choice among the Old Trafford crowd, and unlike John Williams who said that he would be "delighted" if Hughes became the next Man United manager, I actually disagree with our esteemed Chairman - and I'd like to see Hughes remain at Ewood Park for as long as possible.

The 24th November should be interesting, when Keane's Sunderland team travel to Molineux to meet up with his old foe Mick McCarthy at Wolves. Will the two of them shake hands? They both detest each other with a vengeance. I think Keane would rather slit his throat than give McCarthy a big hug.

Mark Hughes and Martin O'Neill, incidentally, are both currently joint favourites at 11/2 to become the next Old Trafford boss.

Fabio Capello, after his failed madrid homecoming, might be a decent shout as well. His reputation itself will make him an attractive proposition to the glazers should he be available. That said, did RFW say he was looking to stay on for a couple more seasons yet?

liverfools 2 (bellamy, gerrard)

rovers 0

just too bad that gerrard's suspended for the croatia game and will thus be well rested against us. and as we all know, bellamy is definitely gonna score; stick some money on him scoring to mitigate the pain we'll feel from inevitably getting screwed by the match officials again.

Rovers 3 (nonda, benny x2)

Wigan 0

very positive night. watching on tv, it seemed that the crowd was really decent, or at least on par to what we get for some league games. nonda was good, though he faded away somewhat in the 2nd half. yet, he still got the assist to bentley's goal, winning a ball that would usually have been cleared. mccarthy looked quality; though he missed a few easy chances, his goal was good and he showed some very good ball control/touches. but special mention must be made for our right-sided combination of bentley and emerton. emerton is looking like a world class right back at the moment, and bentley, if he can maintain this form, might soon play himself into an england call up. at the risk of sounding over enthusiastic, some of his crosses this season reminds me of the master's (beckham) himself, swerving and dipping at pace. however, he doesnt do it enough yet, but i'm sure he'll continue to improve. and hell, he can even dribble abit and beat his man, something becks never does. finally, naming ooijer MOM was a very very good strategic move i thought, as it will surely boost his confidence. worryingly, some defensive errors still occured, but there are many many positives to take from last night's performance. and i feel we havent even hit top gear yet. i would venture to say that we acheived last night's result playing at about 80% capacity, as we didnt seem to need more than that, which is good news.

rovers 2 (nonda, mccarthy)

salzburg 0

Anybody know how much Roma got him for? I heard it was free, but I'm not sure. Considering his prolifacy about a season before, I don't see why it would be. Was he out of contract? Did they just let him go due to worries about his injury and financial problems? Anybody got a clue?

they got him on a bosman free if i'm not wrong

boro 1

rovers 1 (mccarthy)