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[Archived] Steve Kean's 2012 New Year Message to the World

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Dear loyal fans (those 99% of you),

My New Year message to the world will be a shorter than previously as I am still celebrating our own goal and our point at Anfield. I have been kindly assisted with this important Annual communication with my flock by a merecat from Everton and Paul Agnew who is the head snake charmer at Boll-Ewood Park.

Today (please note that this was written in advance of the 1st of January as I am busy cooking chicken burgers for the players New Year party) sees us bottom of the Premiership. Do not worry as the great Mrs Desai will inject thousands of rupees into the Rovers transfer fund and she has already identified my targets who I am told include some of the biggest names in football such as George Best, Jimmy Greaves, Ian St John and Mark Lawrenson. Personally I am worried what effect Lawro will have in the dressing room as he is so camp and outwardly gay. Do not worry as we have a plan to pay their wages; this includes fattening up Junior Hoilett for sale.

But what about you my precious fans. I realise that their are one or two of you that are not happy, my answer to that is to buy a number of you off with regular trips to Pune, then you will be able to come back to the underdeveloped world (Blackburn) and carry out missionary work (ABBEY: that is nothing do with with sex you perverted man) by spreading the word of our lords and masters the Venkys. As for the one percent I will inflict a Spark from Ewood who will expose you all as filthy dog tremblers. And what of that head dog Glen (not Glenn) Mullan.......you will be forced to watch the 1st team squad undertake my one hour per day "training" sessions against the local girls net ball team, we even won a few games against them in 2011 but of course that went unreported.

2012 will see a few changes at Boll-Ewood. The Darwen End dancing area will be for non-indigenous chicken eating people only, the Riverside will have its gates locked at half time, the BBE will be available only to those related to the Pune9, and the Jack Walker will be renamed the Jason Roberts Stand and will also be closed for lack of interest.

I will end by saying: I know best and sod off you suckers.

Love, kisses and a bottle of Bud,

Steve "Coco" Kean


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