[Archived] Today's reading

[4000Holes]

Today’s first reading is from Jerry chapter 7 1-19

1 God had gone some years previously but had left his beloved team in what he thought was good hands in the form of a trust. 2 But the trust was not to be trusted because as time began to diminish the memory of God began also to diminish and the trust had forgotten the glory that god had bestowed on his beloved team and wanted to sell. 3 And the people who had so avidly followed god were upset that god’s name had been forgotten so quickly but the trust did point out that great bounty and wealth had been bestowed upon the club but it had been wasteth on the likes of Grabby. 4 Then suddenly the trust saw a star appear in the east and they followeth this star until it stoppeth over a chicken farm in the place called Pune situated in the land of India. 5 And then behold the Venky’s came forth (a sister and two ugly brothers) promising great wealth and new god’s like David B formally of the house to South in the Red half of the Mancs or Ronaldhinio from the great nation of legends, a land in the far South west. 6 Alas these promises proved false and new gods did not come and the bank with the great eagle threatened to let the eagle crap upon the club if debts were not paid and the people realised they had been duped. 7 Meanwhile, the prophet Jerry, who was domiciled in the country of agents, where parasites and men without scruples are abundant, saw an opportunity for profit and acquiring great wealth, giving advice to the Venky’s as they did not know anything about what they had bought into. The advice was of course sold in accordance of the principles in the land of agents and as a result the man with the exotic name was cast aside, subsequently to reappear in the west in the land of Ham. 8 A new man was installed into the position of the man with the exotic name, who was a very hard worker and put in long hours and was exulted as a new messiah who would transform and deliver exciting entertainment. He was of course one of Jerry’s followers. 9 Also cast aside were the men who had guided the club through difficult times and had great respect of colleagues elsewhere and these men were not replaced making the prophet (profit) Jerry have much influence. 10 But the doors to the underworld of the championship were flung open and it was only on the last day that deliverance was achieved. 11 The new messiah was found to be flawed and his ramblings became increasingly more difficult to understand and more incoherent resulting in the law giving retribution in the form of a driving ban as a result of a breathalyser test on the motorway. He blamed the people for his misdemeanour but all knew it was because he was entertaining the one that has the red nose from the red half of the land of Mancs after they had won the league. 12 The people were not happy. 13 After a short summer and the son of Jerry the prophet (profit) had been recruited to the cause thus creating increasing consternation of the people, as he had only appeared for three minutes for a team situated in the far north who played in a significantly inferior league, pertinent questions were beginning to be asked. 14 This resulteth in banners to be banned but the people were not to be denied and hired a flying machine to put over their point causing great consternation and people with influence in the propaganda industry brought on pressure claiming the people where to blame for all failings. 15 Then in a land not too far away in the South west that is noted for Rugby, the people turned their attention to the Venky’s who had promised so much and delivered so little and the Venky’s were shocked to the point of returning to their land in the east and have not been seen or heard of since (confirming that they are pantomime characters) 16 The hard working man who works such long hours with no driving licence has continued to deliver incoherent statements and the trap door to the underworld has opened further and only the deluded will deny the inevitable will happen. 17 Meanwhile, complete silence has occurred from the land in the east as the sister who controls the gold has sussed out what is happening and closed the purse much to the consternation of the ugly brothers and the prophet (profit) Jerry 18 The prophet (profit) then suddenly appears on sky, that wondrous television station transmitted from the heavens, to claim “it’s not my fault” but the people are not fooled which results in a letter from the prophet (profit) to the local news threatening retribution through the law if criticism is forthcoming. 19 The prophet (profit) can afford this as he has amassed such great wealth.

To be continued with the next commandment. - Thou shalt not criticise the prophet (profit) Jerry

Ps. By the way: When I was growing up a jerry was something you put under your bed to urinate in during the night. Times don’t change!

[King Kenny's Magic]

Today’s first reading is from Jerry chapter 7 1-19

1 God had gone some years previously but had left his beloved team in what he thought was good hands in the form of a trust. 2 But the trust was not to be trusted because as time began to diminish the memory of God began also to diminish and the trust had forgotten the glory that god had bestowed on his beloved team and wanted to sell. 3 And the people who had so avidly followed god were upset that god’s name had been forgotten so quickly but the trust did point out that great bounty and wealth had been bestowed upon the club but it had been wasteth on the likes of Grabby. 4 Then suddenly the trust saw a star appear in the east and they followeth this star until it stoppeth over a chicken farm in the place called Pune situated in the land of India. 5 And then behold the Venky’s came forth (a sister and two ugly brothers) promising great wealth and new god’s like David B formally of the house to South in the Red half of the Mancs or Ronaldhinio from the great nation of legends, a land in the far South west. 6 Alas these promises proved false and new gods did not come and the bank with the great eagle threatened to let the eagle crap upon the club if debts were not paid and the people realised they had been duped. 7 Meanwhile, the prophet Jerry, who was domiciled in the country of agents, where parasites and men without scruples are abundant, saw an opportunity for profit and acquiring great wealth, giving advice to the Venky’s as they did not know anything about what they had bought into. The advice was of course sold in accordance of the principles in the land of agents and as a result the man with the exotic name was cast aside, subsequently to reappear in the west in the land of Ham. 8 A new man was installed into the position of the man with the exotic name, who was a very hard worker and put in long hours and was exulted as a new messiah who would transform and deliver exciting entertainment. He was of course one of Jerry’s followers. 9 Also cast aside were the men who had guided the club through difficult times and had great respect of colleagues elsewhere and these men were not replaced making the prophet (profit) Jerry have much influence. 10 But the doors to the underworld of the championship were flung open and it was only on the last day that deliverance was achieved. 11 The new messiah was found to be flawed and his ramblings became increasingly more difficult to understand and more incoherent resulting in the law giving retribution in the form of a driving ban as a result of a breathalyser test on the motorway. He blamed the people for his misdemeanour but all knew it was because he was entertaining the one that has the red nose from the red half of the land of Mancs after they had won the league. 12 The people were not happy. 13 After a short summer and the son of Jerry the prophet (profit) had been recruited to the cause thus creating increasing consternation of the people, as he had only appeared for three minutes for a team situated in the far north who played in a significantly inferior league, pertinent questions were beginning to be asked. 14 This resulteth in banners to be banned but the people were not to be denied and hired a flying machine to put over their point causing great consternation and people with influence in the propaganda industry brought on pressure claiming the people where to blame for all failings. 15 Then in a land not too far away in the South west that is noted for Rugby, the people turned their attention to the Venky’s who had promised so much and delivered so little and the Venky’s were shocked to the point of returning to their land in the east and have not been seen or heard of since (confirming that they are pantomime characters) 16 The hard working man who works such long hours with no driving licence has continued to deliver incoherent statements and the trap door to the underworld has opened further and only the deluded will deny the inevitable will happen. 17 Meanwhile, complete silence has occurred from the land in the east as the sister who controls the gold has sussed out what is happening and closed the purse much to the consternation of the ugly brothers and the prophet (profit) Jerry 18 The prophet (profit) then suddenly appears on sky, that wondrous television station transmitted from the heavens, to claim “it’s not my fault” but the people are not fooled which results in a letter from the prophet (profit) to the local news threatening retribution through the law if criticism is forthcoming. 19 The prophet (profit) can afford this as he has amassed such great wealth.

To be continued with the next commandment. - Thou shalt not criticise the prophet (profit) Jerry

Ps. By the way: When I was growing up a jerry was something you put under your bed to urinate in during the night. Times don’t change!

Good stuff!!

[dazmaz]

That post made my eyes bleed. See below for a readable version, so people don't have to suffer the same pain as me.

Today’s first reading is from Jerry chapter 7 1-19

1 God had gone some years previously but had left his beloved team in what he thought was good hands in the form of a trust.

2 But the trust was not to be trusted because as time began to diminish the memory of God began also to diminish and the trust had forgotten the glory that god had bestowed on his beloved team and wanted to sell.

3 And the people who had so avidly followed god were upset that god’s name had been forgotten so quickly but the trust did point out that great bounty and wealth had been bestowed upon the club but it had been wasteth on the likes of Grabby.

4 Then suddenly the trust saw a star appear in the east and they followeth this star until it stoppeth over a chicken farm in the place called Pune situated in the land of India.

5 And then behold the Venky’s came forth (a sister and two ugly brothers) promising great wealth and new god’s like David B formally of the house to South in the Red half of the Mancs or Ronaldhinio from the great nation of legends, a land in the far South west.

6 Alas these promises proved false and new gods did not come and the bank with the great eagle threatened to let the eagle crap upon the club if debts were not paid and the people realised they had been duped.

7 Meanwhile, the prophet Jerry, who was domiciled in the country of agents, where parasites and men without scruples are abundant, saw an opportunity for profit and acquiring great wealth, giving advice to the Venky’s as they did not know anything about what they had bought into. The advice was of course sold in accordance of the principles in the land of agents and as a result the man with the exotic name was cast aside, subsequently to reappear in the west in the land of Ham.

8 A new man was installed into the position of the man with the exotic name, who was a very hard worker and put in long hours and was exulted as a new messiah who would transform and deliver exciting entertainment. He was of course one of Jerry’s followers.

9 Also cast aside were the men who had guided the club through difficult times and had great respect of colleagues elsewhere and these men were not replaced making the prophet (profit) Jerry have much influence.

10 But the doors to the underworld of the championship were flung open and it was only on the last day that deliverance was achieved.

11 The new messiah was found to be flawed and his ramblings became increasingly more difficult to understand and more incoherent resulting in the law giving retribution in the form of a driving ban as a result of a breathalyser test on the motorway. He blamed the people for his misdemeanour but all knew it was because he was entertaining the one that has the red nose from the red half of the land of Mancs after they had won the league.

12 The people were not happy.

13 After a short summer and the son of Jerry the prophet (profit) had been recruited to the cause thus creating increasing consternation of the people, as he had only appeared for three minutes for a team situated in the far north who played in a significantly inferior league, pertinent questions were beginning to be asked.

14 This resulteth in banners to be banned but the people were not to be denied and hired a flying machine to put over their point causing great consternation and people with influence in the propaganda industry brought on pressure claiming the people where to blame for all failings.

15 Then in a land not too far away in the South west that is noted for Rugby, the people turned their attention to the Venky’s who had promised so much and delivered so little and the Venky’s were shocked to the point of returning to their land in the east and have not been seen or heard of since (confirming that they are pantomime characters)

16 The hard working man who works such long hours with no driving licence has continued to deliver incoherent statements and the trap door to the underworld has opened further and only the deluded will deny the inevitable will happen.

17 Meanwhile, complete silence has occurred from the land in the east as the sister who controls the gold has sussed out what is happening and closed the purse much to the consternation of the ugly brothers and the prophet (profit) Jerry

18 The prophet (profit) then suddenly appears on sky, that wondrous television station transmitted from the heavens, to claim “it’s not my fault” but the people are not fooled which results in a letter from the prophet (profit) to the local news threatening retribution through the law if criticism is forthcoming.

19 The prophet (profit) can afford this as he has amassed such great wealth.

To be continued with the next commandment. - Thou shalt not criticise the prophet (profit) Jerry

Ps. By the way: When I was growing up a jerry was something you put under your bed to urinate in during the night. Times don’t change!

[American Rover12]

So say we all.

[old darwen blue]

Amen

[tassierover]

Thanks Dazmaz

[Paul]

That post made my eyes bleed. See below for a readable version, so people don't have to suffer the same pain as me.

I thought the original was deliberately written to appear as though it was from the bible - hence the thread title.

Editing it rather spoils the point surely?

[Paul Mellelieu]

I thought the original was deliberately written to appear as though it was from the bible - hence the thread title.

Editing it rather spoils the point surely?

Me too.

[OhmiBRFC]

That was brilliant

[King Kenny's Magic]

I thought the original was deliberately written to appear as though it was from the bible - hence the thread title.

Editing it rather spoils the point surely?

Typical dazmaz. Know it all chump.