jim mk2

With the enemy at the door, now is the time to rally the troops, as Wellington might have said. Tomorrow morning, ten minutes before the start of battle, I shall be leading a sing-song at Oakside Nursing Home with a witty ditty written and produced by the glorious Barmy Army. I shall even wear my best set for the occasion. It is entitled Convict Colony, and should be sung to the tune of the Beatles' "We All Live in a Yellow Submarine". In the town where I was born, there lived a man who was a thief, And who told me of his life, stealing bread and shagging sheep, So they put him in the nick, and then a magistrate he went to see, Who said ’Put him on the ship to the convict colony.’ Chorus: You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony; you all alive in a convict colony, a convict colony...... repeat As an alternative, there is a tribute to the philandering drug addict, Shane Warne, which should be sung to the tune of Tony Christie’s "Amarillo". Show me the way to Shane Warne’s villa, He’s got his pills under his pilla, A dodgy bookie from Manila, Nurse is on her mobile phone. Happy days.

Good spot. Cole's 37 goals over two and a half years at Ewood cost about £263,000 each, still a princely sum. The salary figures are all correct.

I would like to have seen Andrew Cole in a Rovers shirt again but perhaps he has taken enough money out of the club. In his three and a half years at Ewood, Cole earned a whopping £73,000 a week and scored 37 goals, making each goal worth roughly a staggering £366,000. In his 12 months at Fulham, Cole earned £40,000 a week and scored 13 goals, at a cost of about £160,000 per goal. Manchester City are paying Cole £25,000 a week. I hope they get better value out of him than we did.

Correct, unfortunately. The stupid ECB, in its quest to make as much money as possible with a grossly overloaded fixture list and meaningless one-day tournaments, have played right into the hands of the enemy.

Titus Bramble broke an elbow in training today, putting him out for three months and leaving Newcastle desperately short of centre halves after the sale of O'Brien and Hughes. Souness admires Amoruso, so here's Rovers chance to offload the overweight tub of lard on our hapless former manager.

West Ham's computer systems have crashed such is the demand for tickets for the Rovers match. The club expect the game to be a sellout.

A relative of mine, a season-ticket holder for 40 years, is not renewing. He's disgruntled with the 500 Club. Or something.

Talking of donkey centre forwards, or carthorse to be more accurate, does anyone remember the late 1960s icon Jimmy Fryatt ? Of bucolic appearance, with his generous girth, bald head and splendid sideburns Fryatt looked like a Dorset farmer and his footballing skills were "agricultural" to say the least. They don't make 'em like that anymore. His son Ed Fryatt is a pro on the US golf tour.

To judge from those comments, Kuqi obviously has lumps of concrete in his boots instead of feet. Should play well with Dickov, another forward who cannot control a football. Hope Bellamy does not get injured or become frustrated by the incompetance around him.

Not surprisingly, London was a strange place today. No buses, no Underground, fewer cars than usual, and because of that the streets were teeming. People, people, people, walking everywhere. Most were silent, quietly going about their daily routine. It made for a very strange atmosphere. After the euphoria of yesterday, now this. @#/?s.

Great for London which will put on a show that will make the so-called "best-ever" Olympics in Sydney look like a village fete. Bad news for the rest of England as billions of pounds are pumped into what is already the wealthiest area of the country.

Chelsea have said they will not pay Gerrard more than the £90,000 a week that Lampard earns. If you believe what Chelsea say.

Yes I am. Strauss's parents are English, as is Pietersen's mother. Englishmen supporting Australia are akin to collaborators during the war. You shall henceforth be known as Lord Haw-Haw.

ahem, cough cough

Yes

Or Jewsons, the timber suppliers. Then it would be Deadwood Park, which would at least please Burnley supporters.

A club that sells an England Under-21 striker because it needs the cash and replaces him with an ageing Sheffield Wednesday reject is desperate. Just like copying machine menders. Now I wonder if they receive performance related pay ..... ?

Nonsense. Who would argue that the club is not desperate for funds ? And the intro is backed up with a quote from the overpaid overlord. The only rubbish is your post.

correction 4 - right half 5 - centre half 6 - left half 8 - inside right 9 - centre forward 10 - inside left now that's how it should be

5-0 at home to Manchester United was the worst. Denis Law at his best. Now that did hurt. I cried all the way home and I was 53 then.

Certainly do remember it squire. Christmas 1963 is famous in football folklore for two results: West Ham 2 Blackburn Rovers 8 ..........and two days later Blackburn Rovers 1 West Ham United 3 Only our dear club could manage such a feat. Those were the days when clubs played each other home and away over the Christmas period. Bryan Douglas tore West Ham apart in the first game and a smarting West Ham got their revenge at Ewood.

Laurent Robert puts the boot into Souness in a double page spread in tomorrow's papers.

Are you sure that was 1963-4 ? Unless my memory is failing I thought Rovers beat West Ham 4-1 in a cup replay in 1965-66, the season we were relegated from the First Division.

Marvellous win by the goodies against the baddies. This is the worst Australia touring team ever.

This is fun. Well played Bangladesh. The question has to be asked again: is this the worst Australia touring team ever ?