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[Archived] November Review

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A review of most of last month and a bit of the previous one too.

Tuesday 30th October – On many occasions over the last twenty four months it felt as though being a Rovers fan was all part of some bizarre social (or maybe even a medical) experiment. Or if you’re Glenn Hoddle, revenge for sins in a former life, maybe for Rovers winning the Premier League? “Let’s see how badly we can treat those nasty Rovers fans – they booed a manager once you know.”

This was all, to my twisted mind, culminating in the tediously slow process of appointing a new Manager to replace that other guy who quit, (Where is the clown by the way? Has he been whacked? Maybe that’s how Venky’s did it…)

Speculation was spreading like wildfire, there was even an element of excitement, that Harry Redknapp was at Ewood for an interview. Or was he playing golf? Well no, he was actually at home in Bournemouth and despite what the LT was told, he clearly wasn’t interested in the job. Presumably because Venky’s can’t be bothered to relocate the club to Hampshire.

Elsewhere, Argentinean drug taking lunatic, Diego “Hand of Lard” Maradona was linked with the job. Why!? What on earth for?!? You see this is why events unnerve me, they find it all, a different story.

Go on, whose ridiculous idea at the club was this then? Anyone like to own up? No, I thought not. Still I don’t suppose you can quell idle speculation can you – by releasing a statement or something?

To many fans the team wasn’t fit and hadn’t been for some time, to the mind of those fantastic guardians of Blackburn Rovers, Diego could well have been the perfect choice.


Maradona: “No honestly, please, stop. No more pies.”

Wednesday 31st October – And then, at long last, 34 days later, Rovers finally completed the process of selecting their new man. A process that for many fans was akin to having their teeth extracted by a drunken dentist who was using nothing more than a rusty teaspoon and a vice.

In all fairness, that pain was nothing compared to having that other fella as the club’s manager for two years.

Quite how the crack team of Global Cultural Attaché Singh, Derek The Shelf and Fans Liaison Officer / Operating Directions Chief Paul “Aggers” Agnew stumbled across our new manager is unknown, but after five weeks they finally managed it through a careful process of elimination, humiliating rejection, self-publicity, arguments and a load of luck.

A man known to all Rovers fans simply by his name. What else?

Henning Berg. Aka The “Berginator” The “Iceman” or even, crazily, just “Henning”. Two time trophy winner with the club, he also won promotion with us of course. A man with seven years managerial experience in Norway where he was learning the ropes, and about football management. A man who never let our club down in his two spells here.

Also on this day several small children were seen walking around at night with Grant Hanley masks on asking for sweets. I was quite pleased for Grant, some of his performances this season deserved recognition no matter how bizarre the tribute.

Thursday 3rd November – Henning was presented to The Press at 8.30 a.m. so he could take training. Quite why he chose such an early time is anyone’s guess as “Kebab Hour” at Brockhall normally finishes around 11.30. This is followed by a brief period of jogging, kicking balls around, some remonstrating practice and then a short burst of rapid tweeting.

Clearly though things were about to change.

The Iceman’s demeanour in the Press Conference was an absolute joy. He spoke well and with demonstrable empathy for the club. This was probably summed up most succinctly when he was asked by the Press to have his photo taken with a Rovers shirt that had his name on. Henning refused and instead showed them the front of the shirt, pointing to the Rovers crest, fixed the photographers with what I am going to start referring to as “one of his legendary hard stares” and stated: “This is all that matters - not individuals”.

As starts go they don’t get much better than this.

Rumours that the shirt had “BURG” on the back, are, as you’d expect from this column, a complete and utter fabrication.

Friday 2nd November – Chief Global Advisory Mouth, Mr S. Singh, of Nuttall Street, Ewood, declared that Rovers would not be looking to progress in the FA Cup this season stating “Promotion is the minimum and the maximum.” Oh well, you can’t have everything.

Elsewhere a Mr D Shaw, of Preston Road, Deepdale, Preston, who sometimes uses the alias “Shelf Bloke”, declared to pop hit-making machine Radio Lancashire that Henning Berg was not the number one choice for the job. At the time of going to press (i.e. typing this) scientists were still trying to establish the benefit of such a comment to Blackburn Rovers Football Club.

Also on this day Henning Berg stated that the owners are very much behind him and they can still see two days into the job what he is trying to do here. Rumours that they were disappointed we hadn’t yet been promoted are nothing short of another cheap attempt at a gag.

Saturday 3rd November – Crystal Palace 2 Rovers 0 (Murray x2)

Glad all over my arse. Hang on, that doesn’t scan right. I don’t mean it like that… leave my bottom out of this if you don’t mind. It’s a reference to that bloody Dave Clark song.

They’re not bad apparently. It would take time for the manager to get up to speed with his players. It would also take time for the players to adjust to Berg’s methods. Running around, passing forwards and working hard were hardly the hallmarks of the previous regime after all.

Robbo saved a pen, before that he let one in (not on purpose), Holloway was presented as manager at half time.

Whatever. Next…

Tuesday 6th November – Huddersfield Terriers 2 Rovers 2 (Djokovic x2 / Rhodes, Murphy (Pen))

Take a look at the Rovers review on this legendary website. Utter genius. Better than this rubbish I’m coming up with. You’d be better off swapping teams. Something I’m going to look into should we not win the next six on the spin.

In case you missed it on BRFCS :- http://www.htfc-world.com/

Anyway, as you know we were mere seconds away from a win. But it was better, a lot better apparently.


Gooooallllll !!!!!! Grandad Murphy puts Rovers 2-1 up at Huddersfield.

(Fantastic graphic courtesy of HTFC World)

Saturday 10th November – Rovers 1 Big Club BIRMINGHAM CITY 1 (David Murphy Rochina / The Mekon)

What a big game. Not only was it Henning’s first home match but it was BIRMINGHAM CITY. If there is one team in World football that had capital letters invented for them then it’s these guys. Simply MASSIVE. They are undoubtedly well up there with the top four or five clubs in Birmingham.

There was an atmosphere, there was excitement, there were players pouring forwards to support the attack. At one point I could have sworn we were playing football. It was great.

Ruby Rochina opened the scoring early on with a well-placed penalty after The Formica Worktop was brought down in the area (well he had to be, it wouldn’t have been a penalty otherwise would it? What a silly thing to write. I blame Bloody Courtney and Palace). The Mekon netted a few minutes later, though, after some of our defenders had gone into sleep mode.

Simon Vukeninviche came on as a sub in the second half and impressed. For a guy who has hardly played since he arrived at the club this was impressive stuff.

We pressed, we entertained. The goal wouldn’t come. Thoroughly good stuff though and, a tad frighteningly, you can actually see what they are trying to do here.

Mondayish 12th November – In a moment of what can only be described as utter madness, Rovers’ next opponents Peterborough United (aka The Bosh) transfer listed four of their first team players, including their Captain. This was for having a night out after a match. Such ridiculous decision making is normally left to their next opponents, Blackburn Rovers.

Wednesday 14th November – In scenes akin to what can only be described as the polar opposite of Alan Shearer leaving for Newcastle United, Bradley Orr went on loan to Ipswich Town until January. The deal includes an option to buy at that point. See you in February Bradley.

Orr had been the victim of a cruel hate campaign by certain sections of the Ewood crowd, one fan actually stuck his tongue out at him behind his back at one point. No one should have to put up with that sort of abuse. As a result Orr has moved his children to a school in South America, just to be on the safe side.

Thursday 15th November – I’d like to report that fears were growing as to the whereabouts of Global Cultural Wind Bag Attache Nut Case Media Whore Shebbington Horatio Singh who had been very quiet since the arrival of “The Berg”.

Friday 16th November There were no sign of fears, let alone them growing.

Saturday 17th November – The Bosh 1 Blackburn Rovers 4

Marvellous. An admittedly poor Peterborough side were well and truly put to the sword by a truly rampant Rovers. The score could have been anything; 3-0, 5-1, 4-0, 5-0, 2-2, 3-2, 3-1, 2-0 or 6-2. Anything. We’d have won though - or drawn.

The Argentinean Work Top scored after some time had passed, finishing well into the onion bag. Then Jordan Rhodes took over, scoring for fun, all sorts of goals, not just tap ins. This took place sometime during the match. Two headers and the pick, his second, a very well placed finish after a great through ball from Ruby Rochina. One thing the goals all had in common though, they all ended up in the back of the net. Great stuff.

Some largely proportioned gentlemen got one back for the hosts in the 98th minute after Rochina started being a bit silly in the wrong place.

This bodes well. If we could play them every week we’d have an excellent chance, although, admittedly, familiarity does breed contempt. “Not bloody Peterborough again? I’m sick of ‘em!” – “I know, but we’re top of the league, what more do you want?” – “I know, I know, but there’s got to be more to life than Peterborough United you know - But not much more, not much more.”

Henning’s fearsome, legendary, hard stare is yet to be seen. Let’s hope it stays that way, for all our sakes.

Wednesday 21st November – Failure to secure relegation at the first attempt and forcing his team to the Champions League final, and winning it, sees Roberto Di Matteo receive the inevitable sack. He didn’t even have to resign.

Thursday 22nd November – With the loan transfer window about to bang shut (never bleeding heard of it), Rovers brought in lightning fast forward (so I read) Jo King from Manchester United. Rovers were also linked for a move for Big Bad Brad Friedel but it never got off the ground (insert your own pun here about age, that goalkeepers need to etc, etc, - I can’t be bothered).

Saturday 24th November Rovers 0 Millwall 2 (Someone or other x1 each)

Wednesday 28th November Rovers 1 Bolton Wanderererers 2 (Rhodes / Someone and Someone else)

Good grief. What on earth went wrong here then? Everything.

Millwall out fought us, as did Bolton. Millwall look a reasonable team actually. “Reasonable” makes them the best team I’ve seen us play this season. Colin Kazim Ego came off the bench and looked the best player on the park by a country mile against Bolton. What on earth? Oh and Rhodes scored gain to remind us he was playing.

It’s not good. Not good at all.

I don’t need to tell anyone that we go into the burnley game on the crest of a slump. Apologies for the lack of anything resembling humour in this last bit (what was that? What do you mean last bit?) but right now I’m a tad dejected. I appreciate you can’t make them run around and try and create space but please try have them sorted and fired up and ready for Sunday, Henning.

Thursday 29th November – With the mood of most fans somewhat rather low and the game with that lot just days away, the Action Group decide to launch a Blue and White Samaritans drop in centre at the Darwen End. Just the job.

Only joking! We'll win on Sunday and everyone will be happy. We will win, right?


November summary:

On the whole, crap.

Played: 19

Goal Difference: +3

Points: 28

Position: 10th (10 points from the top, 4 points from sixth)


Rhodes: 10

Gomes (N): 4

Rochina: 3

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