And its it "will we play"? "Till we play" doesnt make sense.... Has that ever bothered football chanters before.... see earlier in this thread.. "Kinky Knees Blue and White Army" Isn't it "Kinky Knees balloon-weight army"!?

that's now being reported on the BBC too.

(8) Tiny playing

OK, what about this then? To "Delilah" by Tom Jones... I grinned with delight on the night that I drove into Burnley, My bulldozer engine was purring like never before, I sat there laughing (Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!), Revved up the engine, said “**** off!” and knocked down Turf Moor. Bye! Bye! Bye! Burnley Die! Die! Die! Burnley And before, I went to knock down Turf Moor, I ****ed on Stan Ternant asleep on the cold doss-house floor.

To "Ghost Town" by The Specials... Burnley now is coming like a ghost town. The football club is being closed down. Burnley now is coming like a ghost town. The dingles play no more. They’ve built a land-fill site on turf moor. Ha, ha, ha, haha, ha, ha….

That's good! I like that one!

Has anyone mentioned:- Oooooh Steady, Steady, Steady, Steady, Steady, Steadinho. This started off as a Jon Stead song but became something different. The verse doesn't work that well but the chorus could catch on. It's to the song "Bed's Are Burning" by (I think) Midnight Oil:- The time has come to say "fair's fair! Pay the rent now! Pay your share!" The time has come. And that's no lie If you don't pay up, You're gonna die. Five hundred grand or we fill Turf Moor in. Burnley go BANG! Jon Stead Keeps scoring. Five hundred grand or we fill Turf Moor in. Burnley go BANG! Jon Stead Keeps scoring.

Totally agree. However I only know Lavender and Kayleigh, which are probably their two most famous songs. That's hardly an encyclopeadic knowledge. Although "Encyclopeadic Knowledge" will probably be their next album - if they're still going. Which I have no idea if they are or not because I don't like them, and never have. Or ever will. Ever. This Is The 21st Century - so expect they have stopped now.

Ah. After a quick Google on Marillion songs I've discovered you weren't telling me off as I thought initially!

It ruddy has to be! Don't I know it!? 45 mins it took you! Me - 46 mins! There's nothing else for it - I'm going to have to deploy a second typing finger!! Game on!

I think this locker business is unfair on the shark - the tiger has a big, jungly locker all to himself whereas the shark has to use Davy Jones' locker (once of The Monkees I think) when he's not using it. It's a teeny-weeny locker as well. The tiger's bound to have more is his locker. And this thing about Nemo playing heavy rock in Darwen Library is a disgrace! He should be made to whisper like everone else!! EDIT: Damn! Beaten to the Darwen library wise-crack! That was fast typing Bob!

What, the Blue Peter dog? You might be right but I remember him/her as having slightly longer hair. and if it is Nemo Slater_Scott, what on earth is he doing fronting Marillion? Doesn't he know his dad's out looking for him!?

I'm afraid I don't know an awful lot about 80's rock combos. Was this the guy you saw fronting Marillion?

Soggy, soft and pathetic!? Just have a look at this tigershark (pictured here in its natural habitat) and tell me you aren't terrified. There's loads more of the fearsome creatures here. I think you might want to adjust your chart of hardness, Bob.

Ah, well now, that would depend on the type of shark. There's your basking shark who won't get into a fight - he just sits around all day sunning himself. There's your Angel shark - goody goodies the lot of 'em. Hammerhead - Can hurt your thumb if you're not careful. Megamouth shark - all talk. Goblin shark - nasty ugly ones these. I'd fancy these against the tiger. Tiger shark of course - that would be a great match. Threshers - they sell the alcohol at the fight.

If we're doing bad jokes, I'm not going to be left out:- If you ever see a duck and a swan in a race, the swan invariably wins by a neck.

Out of interest Sam, how does Bumley's wage bill compare with the rest of division 1. Where can we expect you to finish this season?

Be fair SteB. It was driven off-thread on page 33 by a fellow administrator. I don't want to name names but it was Glenn. It drifted off down an imaginary subway that smelled like Turf Moor and looked like the Life of Brian. Then Scotty - looking to get one hand on the "Messageboard Grouch Grooby" - intervened and it, quite logically, progressed from there to a parsnip soup thread - which does make you fart by the way. I can't see what's wrong with that on a football-dedicated messageboard! To get it back on track we really some news from Leeds Utd. from the BBC earlier.

You as well !! Gave up doing the lottery after that happened, it just left an empty feeling in the pit of the stomach, bloody Ripley !!! I know that empty feeling well. It's not helped when you get reminded of it at least every other week either. I've kept fairly calm about it and laughed it off so far but i still feel it bubbling away inside (unless that's the parsnip soup I had for lunch) and one day it's going to blow. You don't want to be around when that happens, Scotty, I'm warning you.

I never do pay any attention to him - that's why he won £120 when Ripley scored his first goal for three years and I chose that week to stop betting on him. Anyway, he's ruined this thread now. Taken all the fun out of it. And it's not even about Leeds any more. I'm off to spice up the "Matt Jansen, Is this the End?" thread.

Is this the end of the tether you said you'd reach once the transfer window closed?!

Those are the buskers and glue-sniffers Bob was talking about aren't they?! The guy on the left is saying "Christ, it smells like Turf moor in 'ere!".

Excellent!

Leeds defender Beryl "Tiny" Higginbottam (pictured centre) enjoys half-time refreshments in the Asda cafe-cum-dressing room with fellow defender Myrtle "Bite yer Legs" Brickthwaite (82, pictured left) and promising youngster Minnie "Syrup" Stuckenhead (73).

Looks like a good enterprising idea. I can only see it causing trouble though.... The closing stages of Leeds last home game of the season against Charlton needing a win to stay up. It's 0-0. A huge clearance by Robinson is flicked on by Viduka neatly into the path of Alan Smith. A perfect first touch takes him clear of the defence. Surely only Dean Kiely can stop him now. This is it, Leeds are saved! Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Smith is tackled by Beryl Higginbottam (86) of Lowfields Road, Leeds - making her way home across the pitch with her shopping trolley filled with a loaf of bread, two pints of milk and a box of Complan. During the ensuing melee, the final whistle blows. Leeds are relegated. Smith is later charged by police after the box of Complan he threw explodes on impact with a teenage girls head causing severe matting of her hair. David Batty needs hospital treatment for abrasions consistent with walking-stick prodding and Mrs Higginbottam wins a 4 year contract to play in central defence.