I'd recommend caution when using Preston Blue's method of accessing that car park. I tried it once and "United Utilities" came out as "United, You Little Titties" - I just couldn't help myself. The barrier started hammering up and down on the bonnet of my car and I was forced to look elsewhere for parking. It's a very sophisticated security system!

I think I can see another squirrel in that picture. It's tail is sticking out of the back of Tugay's shorts. And in this picture, he has one down his sock... He's obviously adopted the family of the squished squirrel. The least he could do in the circumstances I suppose.

My Deanocard finally arrived yesterday. I was beginning to think I wasn’t getting one after my poor performances last year but they are obviously short of numbers and have been forced to give me a seat again. One thing troubles me about the Deanocard. Whose idea was it, as if I didn’t know, to make it the same size as a normal credit card but ever-so slightly thicker? It’s an ideal size for jamming in a Natwest Servicetill on a Saturday night and trying to withdraw £10 to get a greasy kebab from Ahmed’s with extra chilli sauce and raw onions. There’s going to be some weeping and wailing when I realize my season ticket is bunging up a servicetill and I can’t get a kebab. I don’t actually like Ahmed’s kebabs (The chilli sauce makes my eyes bulge out and my nose run and the onions make my breath smell and the lower half of my face pucker up) but Saturday night wouldn’t be the same without one. The Deanocard is clearly just the latest ploy designed solely to ruin my Saturdays (crap football and closing The Moorings being the previous two attempts). They are getting increasingly evil and cunning. On the positive side though, if you’re ever in St. Annes on a Saturday night and a hideous-looking, foul-smelling monster, wearing a brfcs.com badge is staggering towards you, you can be fairly sure the servicetill is working. ...unless it's just Scotty making his way home again.

According to Scotty, after a large number of alcohol-free lagers (that's apparently all they served in the stadium - or that's what they told Scotty), Jordan asked Gresko if he shops at Tesco!! When I find out what the answer was I'll let you know.

I can see a flaw in that plan and a potential leakage situation - No way will the hit squad find Jordan and Scotty in their hotel rooms. Jordan will no doubt be refreshing himself in a Stuttgardt Beerkellar at this very moment and Scotty will be wending his way back to Germany from somewhere east of Budapest.

Quite right too! They've got expensive carpets in the press room. Can't have Andy Neild covering it with bean stains. It's not like we can afford another if he ruins it.

It could be any number of things couldn’t it? We don’t know. All we know for sure is that a fan spilled some beans and now Volpato is unlikely to sign for us. Maybe they were magic beans and Volpato was last seen haring up a giant beanstalk in search of fame and fortune. Souey sent Deano after him and immediately started hacking it down. It's a small sacrifice. Maybe the fan, overcome by rage at spilling the beans, threw the empty tin angrily to the floor where it ricocheted off an awkwardly-shaped stone, bounced up and hit Volpato on the forehead leaving him with a nasty cut. Maybe, as Volpato was signing on the dotted line, the fan leaned over to get a better view and, splodge, he spilled the beans all over the contract making it completely illegible. Whatever. What’s done is done. We can’t change things. What we can do as mature, sensible Rovers Supporters is hunt down the fan who can't hold his beans and give him a good hiding for his carelessness.

No need to ring up - the clues are all there. World Cup Superstar? - think World Cup opening ceremony 1994. Striker Supreme? We've signed Diana Ross!!

My standing order is set up. Now, when the Oxfam letter arrives asking for a small monthly donation to help the starving in Africa, I'm going to feel even more guilty than usual opening it just to get the free pen.

Did this trialist resembled a seal by any chance? EDIT: @ American. Very Good!

You're being very argumentative! Are you that nice, friendly bloke I met a couple of times at the end of last season or someone that's nicked his computer? Give it back! Nixon printed a story about Cole leaving. Everyone slagged him off for three days. Cole won't leave. It's media BS etc... There's a meeting. Rovers are now listening to offers for Cole. It doesn't matter how he came to get the info - he was still right. EDIT - Okay maybe the word "Sacked" was wrong but that was probably just to grab people's attention...

I like to see people win flick-ons but I'm not that desperate!!! Jansen's one of the best I've seen at flick-ons. Maybe..... Oh no. Forget that.

For some of us maybe. For Scotty new parts of it open up every time he steps off a train. I'm very disappointed with the news about Cole. He's top quality when he wants to be. As others have said I was looking forward to us having two wingers and supplying him with a few more opportunities than we did last season. I'm not confident of us finding a replacement before January but fingers crossed. Let's hope Stead has been working on his heading - I can't see Dickov winning many flick-ons.

Yes it was the same here. I even offered to get the coffees in. Thank God everyone was too busy staring at the 12 foot "Error 400: Bad Request" to accept my offer as I couldn't remember where the coffee machine was. Rest assured. I will be setting my Standing Order up shortly. I'm ashamed I haven't set it up before now.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it was Clare Tomlinson or Georgie Thompson doing the interview but it was a bloke. Not the best interview I've ever seen, most unpleasant. He was probably trying to say "I'm absolutely delighted" when the sucking started. SSN are lucky the word that came out was "upset" - it could very easily have been unbroadcastable.

Suggests that his first words on the subject were "I didn't know anything about it..." Also the word "really" in "I've not really spoken to the manager about it yet" suggests to me that he has spoken to the manager about it.

Well thank God he’s signed at last. Not just because he’s a good player and because he’s free but more importantly because I’ve spent the last three weeks perfecting this song in anticipation of his arrival and it would have been a shame if all my hard work had gone to waste. It’s to the Great Escape tune… “Dom Dom, Dom Da Dom Dom, Dom Dom, Dom Dom Dom, Mat-te-o, Dom Dom Dom Dom, Dom Da Dom Dom, Dom Dom, Dom Dom Dom, Dom Dom.” I did think about using the Imperial March from Star Wars.… “Dom Dom Dom, Dom, Da Dom, Dom Da Dom, Dom Dom Dom, Dom, da Dom, Dom Da Dom......” ...but I wasn’t happy with the lyrics.

It was fine until Abbey posted that provocative picture of Jessica Simpson and asked for captions. You know what it's like when you open a thread and see an image that you probably shouldn't be looking at at work and it's projected onto a 12 foot screen in front of your boss? You panic. I hit the wrong button and zoomed in on her cleavage and in an attempt to correct the error hit "Print Screen"; Then "enlarge"; Then "laminate". I don't think anyone noticed but as I tried to CTRL+ALT+DELETE to turn the PC off I accidentally hit CTRL+ALT and then jammed my little finger between the PAGE UP/PAGE DOWN keys. The whole 12 foot cleavage area started to wobble up and down and the next thing I knew I woke up in here with my arms strapped across my chest. Anyway, what that's got to do with messageboard standards, I don't know.

Errr, no?? We had to let him speak to other clubs but why were we compelled to sell him? You are missing the point as usual. Gerrard showed loyalty to his club, Duff took the money and ran. End of story. In one of this mornings newspaper things (according to BBC sport) it says that Gerrard’s decision to stay at Liverpool was influenced by a hate campaign directed at his family by Liverpool supporters (and some members of a mystery internet messageboard trying to make a fool out of T1MJ). Faced with threats from the Russian mafia or disgruntled scousers, he took the easy option. It's not loyalty it's terrorism. That just highlights to me the courage of Damien Duff. He had the same dilemma. Should he succumb to the threats from the Russian mafia despite at least one threat from an annoyed Rovers’ supporter to tweak his mum’s nose? No wonder it took him so long to decide.

Superb Could we get rid of the "Arte et Labore" bit on the badge and convert the above into latin? "Blackburn Rovers Football Club" - "Staying Out Late By Going For A Slash And Not Getting A Round In" I think Everton's motto is something similar to that:- "Nil Sats or pissi optimum"

To "In The Navy". I apologize in advance. "Super Javi, He's our left wing superman, Super Javi, Can he cross it? Yes he can!! Super Javi, Super Javi" "Super Javi, He's marauding down the wing, Super Javi, Touchline Monster's scared of him, Super Javi, Super Javi"

What about (to Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the Glen...):- "De Pedro, De Pedro standing with the ball, De Pedro, De Pedro curls it round the wall, Hits Andy Cole, Right on the nose, De Pedro, De Pedro, De Pedro" or something like that.

Is Beckham fully fit? He hardly seemed to move last night other than an occasional jog into the centre of midfield. Maybe it's just that he didn't really need to - he received it to feet and passed it on (including 40 yard passes etc..) - but he did seem very pedestrian and I wondered whether that back problem, that he had an injection for during the Iceland friendly, is worse than they are letting on.

His free-kicks appear to curl straight into the face of his own striker judging by that photo. That's going to annoy Cole. Good news though. At last we have a left winger on the books again. Wonder where we'll play him

Nuclearsox's Euro 2004 Commentator watch: John Motson How many times, in a game between Germany and Holland, did Motty "draw certain parallels" with England v France?! It was almost as many times as he started a sentence with "Well.." "Well we all know a 1-0 lead isn't impregnable. Ha! Just ask England." "Well Holland come from behind to equalise - shades of France against England" "Well, that's a huge clearance. Quite similar to one Ashley Cole made on Sunday" "Well Germany are going to make a substitution - England did that!" Some of those quotes might not be completely accurate but he must have referred to England v France about 20 times in the second half alone. Shut up Motty! It hurts!