broadsword

Don't care who it is now (as long as teh shortlist is correct), but they have to appoint before the next game. TP's time has come I'm afraid. I'm sure he'll be well catered for.

No, no and again, NO!

All I can say is that I'm glad I'm not making the decision! No appointment is risk-free, and *every single* candidate could be criticised in some way. If you were to write down the pros and cons of each candidate, I'm sure it'd become no clearer. eg criticisms: Houllier: wasted a lot of money on crap, would he try to cripple us financially on an abortive CL attempt? Strachan: Took Coventry down, managed to get Soton to FA Cup final, but achieved nothing else of note Hughes: No club experience whatsoever. Dowie: Would he get the players respect? Is his current (notable) success a flash in the pan? Reid: Totally lost the plot at Sunderland (stayed too long), hard to judge his period at Leeds. Seems to be a tactical caveman, maybe this is harsh, but the overall impression is a poor man's Souness. Newell: Success on a plate at Hartlepool, hasn't been at Luton 5 minutes yet. Dalglish: His last success was almost 10 years ago now, surely not! ... then you get into the realms of dinosaurs like Venables and Graham. People who have had a lot of success, but whose day seems to have passed. A real s0d of a decision, can't believe they'd have sorted it by early next week. Only one I couldn't really criticise is Moyes, who's having a lot of obstacles put in his way at Everton, but who before that was very very highly rated at Preston. Hmmmm ... my choice is Moyes!

Dear oh law - Jenas is quoted on Ceefax as saying he doesn't think Souness will start banging heads together as he must realise that's not the way to go about things. What a prune, just shows what a discipline problem they have up there.

OK, I'm scared.

"Don't you read", honestly Hughesy, such a tart remark, take a chill pill or maybe smoke a bong. There's nothing in the public domain to say Davros and Sparky are definitely on the shortlist.

Who's this source then, John Williams? There's no glory in claiming to know the facts in advance, only the potential to look like a plonk if things turn out differently.

Advocaat Smirnoff Midori Peach-Schnapps Woods. Quite a cocktail ... "Rovers Shortlischt"

Advocaat Smirnoff Midori

Maybe Stroppy meant Hang Gliders?

Reminds me of that African Pesident Canaan Banana. It was a capital offence to laugh at the mention of his name. He was "having relations" with his bodyguard, who became known as "Mrs Banana". Straight up.

Ah yes, the man renowned for delivering results under a tight budget and absolutely not getting teh hump when the purse strings are tightened, Kenny; along with that renowned assistant manager Tim Sherwood. The only sensible suggestion there is Alan Irvine. Do people actually give their suggestions serious thought or do they just plump for favourite ex-players and managers. Gordon Bennett. That Houllier hitlist Percy posted earlier was scary. Houllier could genuinely knacker this club. I'd rather have Peter Reid and that is saying something.

Now compare that to the way Newcastle went about hiring Souness. I think it's clear which club is better run, by a massive distance. Cheyrou - ouch! Any more for any more?

Reasons not to sign Houli-hoop: - Jimmy Traore - Letting Brad go on a free then hiring a string of no-hopers as 'keepers. - Igor Pisscan - Salif Diao - Baros - Diouf ... there must be loads more 'cos he signed a string of right donkeys!

Well, I'm glad you agree about Shearer. Re: Newell, he has no pedigree as a coach, none whatsoever. He's only ever been a manager. Sooooo ... a) How do you now he'll happily become someone's number 2, watching them make the decisions, when he'd wanted that job all along? How do you know that he'd be a good coach of players? He's never coached before, presumably he delegated those responsibilities at Hartlepool and when he moved to Luton? Edit: Toogs can go on the tannoy and tell his invisible friend to get off the pitch!

Why the hell will Newell be a good assistant? or indeed, Shearer? Do any of the people putting them forward have first-hand experience of their coaching abilities? Have they been given a glowing testimonial as to the abilities of such people by mysterious third-parties? No, they bleeding well haven't! It's the new parlour game, pluck a name out of the hat, "Whaddya get, Granny?"; "I got Ronnie Hildersley as Technical Director, Father Ted as Manager, and Alan Shearer in charge of making the teas!"; "Cool, I'll just pump that into Championship Manager - 'for those with too much free time' and see what happens!" It's balls, absolute twads. Shearer doen't even have any managerial experience, he's not finished playing yet! Does he even have a badge (apart from Cub Scouts Boxing)? I'm going for Stephen Hawking as Manager and Sir Alf Ramsey as Assistant. Stephen has zilch experience but will be good with formations, and Sir Alf can wipe his bum. Sorted.

Well, apparently he's been stripped of it. Maybe they took his number away from him in a Voodoo ceremonial ritual?

According to the Sun, Garry Flipflop is to be given a squad number by TP and will start against Newcastle. Hurry up JW and get someone in!

AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, NO! No, no, and again no. Thrice no with a garnishing of negatories, neins and niets. No in a slinky metallic mini-skirt! Jay Dubya, what in the hell's cotton-picking name are ya doin, SONNN?!

How do you know who's applied?

We've only just got rid of a big pair of t*ts up front.

Who wrote that article in the LET: "You could do worse than Kenny" Summary of article: - Kenny is who we need, tried and tested, would get respect from players, but he screwed up since he left, and wouldn't really get that much respect. And I don't think we'll hire him, but he's just what we need. - George Graham is a discipliniarian with a great track record. We could do a lot worse than him. - But my number one choice is someone with no track record - Hughes. I think the bottom line is everyone who's immediately available either has top-flight experience (but is tarnished in some way), or is rated highly (but has no top-flight experience) - whether this high-rating is the subject of media tittle-tattle or what I dunno. Of course you could get someone in from abroad who has top-level epxerience, but that might be seen as an added gamble. Worth bearing in mind that Wenger was managing Grampus Eight when Arsenal came in. There's no one safe option in my mind.

I suspect, having just finished his autobiography, that the author of this post is actually Lorenzo Amoruso!!! And as far as suggestions about Harry Redknapp go - NO! People might start receiving their wages in brown paper bags. Hard-won financial stability is not to be thrown away. If you're going to suggest Redknapp, you might as well suggest Kinnear.

No you're right, Advocaat was a complete disaster at Rangers, and I wouldn't want him within a country mile of the job!