Not really surprising that when you think about it is it Tyrone?

Does Sir Geoffrey write his material do you think? KP.... "there's more brains in a pork pie"

Seems out of character. Maybe he's been dropped and has decided to come home for Christmas. Maybe his missus is 'bothering'. Maybe a parent / child is poorly, maybe too much cricket without a decent break. Maybe a dozen reasons. Best to wait and see.

DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA . . . August 31 — Just got transferred with work from Blackburn UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here. September 13 — Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Blackburn !! September 30 — Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. It's Paradise ! October 10 — The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected. October 15 — Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do.. Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this! October 20 — Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat @#/?. I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat. October 25 — This wind is a @#/?. It feels like a giant @#/? blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from @#/? Perth .....The wife & the kids are complaining. October 30 — The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the @#/? air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here? November 4 — Finally got the @#/? air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35. Stupid repairman. @#/? thief. November 8 — If one more smart @#/? says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to @#/? throttle him. @#/? heat! By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my @#/? clothes are soaking @#/? wet and I smell like baked cat. @#/? place is the end of the Earth. November 9 — Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my @#/? arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my @#/? arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat. @#/?. @#/?. @#/?. November 10 — The Weather report might as well be a @#/? recording.. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and @#/? sunny. It never @#/? changes! It's been too hot to do anything for 2 @#/? months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. @#/?! November 15 — Doesn't it ever rain in this damn @#/? place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the @#/? pool. The only things that thrive in this @#/? hell-hole are the @#/? flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little @#/?s! November 20 — Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 @#/?' degrees today. Now the air conditioner gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the @#/? car up his @#/? arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick. @#/? Karratha! What kind of sick, demented @#/? idiot would want to live here! December 1 — WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are @#/? kidding me!

Hey up! A whingeing aussie.

This report from the FG goes far toward backing your figures and suspicions up Paul. Beats me why the supermarkets and retailers who fraudulently peddled this condemned horse meat haven't been up before the beak. We all know that the likes of Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury's purchase absolute power with political donations so I guess it's just a case of money talking? Quote from the FG........... "A RETAILER asked a supplier to produce a 4oz ‘gourmet’ burger for a unit price of under 30p, according to an interim report on Britain’s food system in the wake of the horsemeat scandal. The report by Professor Chris Elliott, of Queen’s University Belfast, suggests retailers should be made accountable for the financial demands they impose on their suppliers. The report makes a number of recommendations for the authorities and food industry to address the problem of ‘food crime’, including the establishment of a ‘Food Crime Unit’ within the Food Standards Agency (FSA), a change of governance to make the FSA a ‘more robust organisation’ and, above all, an emphasis on putting consumers first. The horsemeat scandal broke in January when a Tesco burger was discovered to contain 29 per cent horse DNA at the start of this year. After an initial focus on Tesco and ABP, the company that supplied the burger, the scandal rapidly mushroomed as horsemeat contamination was found across a range of products supplied by a number of well known companies across many countries involving co-ordinated criminal activity. Prof Elliott’s report, commissioned by Defra and the Department of Health earlier this year, stresses that food crime is a global problem and that the scope and extent of the problem in the UK is not known due to limited intelligence. The food industry’s own testing for horse DNA earlier this year identified contamination in 1 per cent of UK samples and over 4 per cent in Europe. But the report sheds light on some of the ‘murkier practices that go on often unnoticed within food supply chains’ that appear to lie behind the large-scale international fraudulent substitution of horsemeat for other meats. For example, Prof Elliott reveals how one meat supplier told him in confidence of a meeting with a retailer in which the supplier were asked to produce a 4oz ‘gourmet’ burger for a unit price of under 30p. The supplier believed that by using the cheapest beef available priced - at 264p/kg from older cows rather than prime beef - and factoring in other fixed costs, the lowest possible unit price for the burger would be 59p. To produce a 4oz ‘gourmet’ burger at a cost price of less than 30p, the supplier calculated that the average price of beef would need to be just 85p/kg. Prof Elliott concluded that one way to meet the demands of the retailer would be to switch to beef supplied from premises that were not EU approved at approximately 140p/kg. In addition, use of offal, such as heart at between 70-110p/kg, and mechanically separated meat (MSM) at around 120p/kg would further drive down the unit cost. Accountable Prof Elliott suggests retailers should be held accountable when they make such demands. His report says: “If a retailer were to secure a foodstuff for a price well below the recognised market price, then it might be inferred that the most obvious way the supply was meeting that price was by committing the offence of fraud by misrepresentation. “In such a case I suggest that it is for the retailer to be able to produce evidence that they checked that there were no grounds for suspicion of the product being counterfeit or adulterated, because in such a case the counterfeited or adulterated goods would amount to criminal property.” He said any party that can be shown to have profited from criminal property ‘while knowing or even suspecting that it was such’, would be culpable under the Proceeds of Crime Act 20023, which covers the transfer, acquisition and possession (also known as ‘laundering’) of criminal property. But in the report’s preface, Prof Elliott says a ‘significant change in culture’ is needed to deal with the threats of fraudulent activity that exist along complex supply chains. “My review to date has identified a worrying lack of knowledge regarding the extent to which we are dealing with criminals infiltrating the food industry. I believe criminal networks have begun to see the potential for huge profits and low risks in this area.” “The food industry and thus consumers are currently vulnerable. We need a culture within businesses involved in supplying food that focuses on depriving those who seek to deceive consumers.” “A food supply system which is much more difficult for criminals to operate in is urgently required. Government, and in particular a more robust Food Standards Agency has a major role to play partnering these efforts.” Defra Secretary Owen Paterson said: “The UK food industry already has robust procedures to ensure they deliver high quality food to consumers and food businesses have a legal duty to uphold the integrity of food they sell. It is rightly highly regarded across the world and we must not let anything undermine this or the confidence of consumers in the integrity of their food. “We will continue to work closely with the food industry, enforcement agencies and across local and central Government to improve intelligence on food fraud and our response to it"

Obviously you've never quite got the hand of sarcasm have you? He really doesn't like the English does he? btw.... Just as a matter of interest which Madrassa did he go to?

Don't be so bloody grumpy Jim. I bet you know quite a few 'Blackburners' who supported BRFC as kids in the 60's but switched their undying allegiance to MU or Liverpool later in life. Well Dave's only the same as them isn't he.

Hey! Thats the first time that anybody has seen the words 'Australian' and 'sportsmanship' in the same sentence since WG Grace first picked up a bat. Who? How long do you think tyhe likes of Geoffrey Boycott and Ian Botham would have to live in Australia before they became a turncoat like you Dave? In fact apply the reverse criteria to Shane Warne I think hell would freeze over first! Nothing like biting the hand that fed you eh?

Suarez!

Lighten up neekoy. Here I'm sure this selection of male aussie humour which just landed in my inbox will cheer you up.......... A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offender had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can't believe they keaned my wife after only five cans!” ____________________________________________________ "My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!” ____________________________________________________ I was sh***ing this Sheila over her Kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have legged it – but you don’t get offers like that every day. ____________________________________________________ Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching this bloke at a party. In my defense ...When you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in. ____________________________________________________ I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I sh**ged a Sheila called Penny – spooky or what? ____________________________________________________ The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer. ____________________________________________________ My wife is keaned off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. She has no sense of humour. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says. If any of you are Paedophiles, you can Kean off down to HELL Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out. “And take this deaf kean with you”. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wife said to me last night. “If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse”. Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you.... He is in Prison. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wife came out of the bathroom and said: “I have just shaved my puss and you know what that means don't you”? I said. “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again”! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nearly sh**ged a Ladyboy last night. I Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman. But as we arrived back at his apartment, he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement. That's when I thought. “Hang about” ! *************************

Correct Bryan.... Sir Geoffrey reckons this Aussie team aren't really all that good.

. Germany Stralia calling....... Germany Stralia calling.....

If you are eating with your mates then Duk and/or Pond would be Ok I think. Tapas style.

Veet hair remover.... reviews! http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Australia and it's indigenous inhabitants are an ancient country and civilisation which remained unspoiled and uncorrupted for 500 centuries. White settlers have been there for 3 of them. I've never been to Australia but I do get the feeling that the newbies completely disregard the aborigines and their history and consider them as fitting in somewhere between a kangaroo and a dingo in the native fauna. They will be breeding with them chris. Mark my words that extra Y chromosome will be increasing every generation.

Hope she's OK Rog. btw Wasn't just a ruse to avoid paying her share of the bill was it? Only asking cos I've considered that option on any number of occasions recently at the Millstones. The Millstone has set the standard around here for a number of years but these days it aint cheap. Through no fault of my own I'm down for the New Years Eve event... at a mind blowing £75 quid a head it's .... a. ferkin ludicrous. b. Taking the proverbial and imo an insult to regular customers who dine throughout the year. c. damned poor value for money. I offered the option to stay in NY Eve and go 3 nights running to the Millstone anytime after Jan the 2nd but er indoors would not hear of it. Needless to say she is paying!

Those aussies are going to get their wings clipped soon! It's absolutely inevitable. 3 and 4 day test matches must be losing / costing the cricketing authorities / sponsors / advertisers etc etc a bloody fortune! It can't go on. Money rules sport. Cue some rather laid back bowling and a few dollied catches toward our lot for the rest of the series. I shall refrain from mentioning William Joyce at this point BUT as somebody suggested previously if you had stayed in Blighty and moved to Cliviger, Barrowford or Harle Syke would you have become a Burnley fan? How about Keighley or Hebden Bridge would you have come to support Yorkshire CCC perhaps? As Norman Tebbitt once opined which JIM mk2 cannot help but endorse fully ... 'which cricket team do you support'?

is that better?

Rearrange this well known phrase Tom Straws.... grasping..... at

That Yorkshire dressing room with Close, Illingworth, Trueman and Boycott must have been something else. No place for any fancy dans and wimps I'd suggest...... and most definietly no place for any black or brown players either. Maybe Clive Lloyds treatment of Close was down to racism by both sides.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/tms Ouch! No finer sight that Sir Geoffrey on one!

I know where you are coming from but imo it's like food without seasoning dave.

I don't believe that. It's just not natural. Either you have no affinity with team sports or you are of a minor nationality that doesn't figure prominently at either.

Only saying cos 'Goughie' reckoned it was on Talk Sport a couple of days ago.