Geese or swans?

[colin]

LD ROVER u were talking about that lad in Fenny and the duck that shat on his kitchen floor, well he's also my mate and he doesnt have much luck when it comes to things using his house as a public lavatory. A few years ago i stayed at his house after a night in town, slept in his spare room woke up to realise i'd wet my self in his bed, i have to say i didnt hang around, i just strategically placed his cat beside the wet patch and left. By the way as i was leaving i noticed a gaggle of geese across from The Hordens. "Morning Geese" i said to which they cackled back at me-GEESE-respect-SWANS-no time for

Your first post as well. Most people like to introduce themselves here in a little more of a (ooooh how should I put this?) "glowing" light.

But you introduce yourself as an incontinent bed-wetter who rats on his mate and a cat. Nice start.

As to the tiger v shark situation. I'd just like to point out that home advantage will play a very crutial part in deciding this.

Both are very much "home form" animals, the shark doesn't much like dry land and the tiger, although it can swim, is very much at a disadvantage in deep salt water.

"Back to you in the studio Des."

"Over to you Big Ron, how do you see the swan v the goose?"

"Well to be honest Des, I think this one will be a bit tasty, but at the end of the day, the goose will win.

It's all psychological.

The goose knows that if it kills a swan it will have The Queen on its back. The swan knows that if it drops the goose, hey it's a special Christmas dinner for the Queen & less c**p in the parks."

"Thanks Ron."

[cletus]

For me, Geese everytime.

Swans....poofs!

On a similar subject, i saw a documentary once about a Jaguar (the animal not the car or plane) in South America.

A VERY intelligent animal indeed.

Anyway, this Jaguar was doing it`s normal jungly thing when it saw a huge crocodile/aligator/kaman (?) (what-ever it is you get in South america??) lying in a stream.

This Jaguar gave it a wide birth at first, sussed the situation out, approached the croc from behind, jumped in the water & killed it with one powerful bite to the back of the head, puncturing it`s skull.......it was a truly awsome piece of film footage!

[Morph]

I'm going against the grain and backing the swan. If it's single swan against a single goose, mano a mano (or swano a gooso) then your swan is clear favourite. Get a goose clear of the gaggle and the swan can make it's hight and reach advantage count, stay behind it's jab, etc.

Tiger Vs Sharks Vs Tigersharks (and if possible Sharktigers) is what I want to see.

[bob fleming]

I think we've established that Geese are harder than Swans (sorry Morph) but since yesterday I've been thinking about this big style.

What if these animals joined forces to create their own animal "super firm"? Who'd come out on top between a Goose, Tiger & Tigershark vs Swan, Shark, Sharktiger & Duck fight?

No weapons or owt - just a normal pre arranged kick off at a local boozer near the town centre. I tell you, I'm not one for violence but this would be something else.

And please don't tell me that the Swan, Shark, Sharktiger & Duck combo would win, because of numbers, because by all accounts the duck spends most of its time going to the toliet when brought indoors, and that's of little help when you've a 20 foot Tigershark going mental in the Red Lion (nowt to do with you this Lee - don't worry).

[Alan75]

bob, have you ever concidered a job as a script writter for the WWF,WWE or whatever its called these days.

Lets get ready to rummmmmmble.

[The Blunderer]

Sorry off topic but an Xfm dj recently mentioned a tour of the Colleseum in Rome. The guide told of inter-beast contests including Bull verses Bear encounters.  As the guide moved on to another subject, the dj was tutted by the rest of the group for his morbid curiousity in asking "yeah, but which would win?".

The strength and ferocity of the bear is legend, with its sharp claws and handy teeth.  However, if a bull got a 'nibble' in early doors, stampeding and giving it the full horn gore, would the bear still want to know?

Maybe they had tag matches including Geese and Swans?

[Tom Pringle]

I think we've established that Geese are harder than Swans (sorry Morph) but since yesterday I've been thinking about this big style.

What if these animals joined forces to create their own animal "super firm"? Who'd come out on top between a Goose, Tiger & Tigershark vs Swan, Shark, Sharktiger & Duck fight?

No weapons or owt - just a normal pre arranged kick off at a local boozer near the town centre. I tell you, I'm not one for violence but this would be something else.

And please don't tell me that the Swan, Shark, Sharktiger & Duck combo would win, because of numbers, because by all accounts the duck spends most of its time going to the toliet when brought indoors, and that's of little help when you've a 20 foot Tigershark going mental in the Red Lion (nowt to do with you this Lee - don't worry).

It depends what type of duck you're talking about really. A mallard would be smashed by the tiger straight away, where as a coot would confused and baffle the tiger with its quick and sharp movements and tiger the big bugger out.

Bellamy11, i think its time to complete our animal top trumps game.

Guys, we will have all the answers soon...

[bob fleming]

Guys, we will have all the answers soon...

Good - because I'm going mad with all these different animal combinations and it's far too complex for my head to compute. I thought I had it sorted and then The Blunderer has to mention a Bear and Bull kick off from The Colleseum in Little Harwood.

Tom - I need the answers.

As things stand I'd probably say that the following are the hardest - hardest appearing first:

Shark (Great White, hungry)

Sharktiger (?)

The Duck (Well hard Mallard flavour)

Bear (Grizzly/cuddly)

Tiger (Stripey)

Bull (Horned)

Swan (Vesta)

Goose (Mad)

Tigershark (Soggy, dead soft and a bit pathetic)

But I may be wrong.

All we need now is for rover6 or someone to come on here and say that all 9 of them are dead soft but Paul Sturrock would toughen them up a bit and then set them on Souness, whose fault it is for this whole thread anyway. Probably.

[philipl]

Having watched Mute Swan evict Canada Geese from their chosen nesting site when I lived by the Thames, no doubt about it- the swans win.

Just the same in the small talk lions or tigers question. A full grown Bengal Tiger weighs twice as much as a Ger Lion.

The big 'un always wins.

[Nuclearsox]

Tigershark (Soggy, dead soft and a bit pathetic)

Soggy, soft and pathetic!?

Just have a look at this tigershark (pictured here in its natural habitat) and tell me you aren't terrified.

There's loads more of the fearsome creatures here. I think you might want to adjust your chart of hardness, Bob.

[Tom Pringle]

Bob bob bob, you've got it all wrong. The mallard is clearly a show boater. One for the crowd with it's stunning colours. The coot on the other hand is a damn clever duck and will strike after wearing you down.

Just think about it bob.

[bob fleming]

Sox - I'm not being funny but that isn't a real shark. It's very clever, I'll give you that, and I nearly missed it myself but if you look closely you can see that that shark is actually suspended in an office building. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it's been painted as well. You've been conned mate. I'm going to need more and better evidence than that if you want me to move the Tigershark from bottom of the Hard Animal List.

Tom - I don't give two hoots about your coot. I'm sticking with the Mallard as it's also a train - and they're dead hard (Unless it's called Ivor - in which case it's softer than the office dwelling, lady boy, "animal" that is the Tigershark).

[Clive]

By the way, Tiger sharks are supposed to be one of the most aggressive types of shark, and eat Albertrosses. So swans, geese and ducks should be a piece of p_ss. Don't know about a sharktiger though, it sounds like a thing of Ian Brown's imagination to me. All these are a load of jessies when you consider the scariest shark ever-Megalodon.

[Morph]

Don't knock Sharktigers, very dangerous, especially when cornered. Wasn't Megalodon one of the Transformers? Megalodon! Watch him change from a robot into a truck into a huge set of teeth about to eat two unwary Canadians.

[Tom Pringle]

Tom - I don't give two hoots about your coot. I'm sticking with the Mallard as it's also a train - and they're dead hard (Unless it's called Ivor - in which case it's softer than the office dwelling, lady boy, "animal" that is the Tigershark).

The stage is set

Mallard Vs. Coot

[cletus]

this goose v swan thing......do they have knives??

[bob fleming]

It wouldn't surprise me.

[S15]

I reckon geese.

They have access to WMD and run two of the worlds most powerful countries.

[Clive]

Wasn't the guy who died in Top Gun called Goose ?. And wasn't he the bloke who was in ER for a while ?.

Both geese and swans are the townies of the bird world-make lots of noise, act aggressively in gangs, and like to try and scare people.

[LDRover]

This thread has been an invaluable education for me.

I now know about tiger sharks, shark tigers and even the aggressive qualities of mallards and coots.

Blimey, someone might even tell me that a clown fish is in fact a fish and not the stupid ex lead singer of 80's rock combo Marillion.

[Nuclearsox]

Blimey, someone might even tell me that a clown fish is in fact a fish and not the stupid ex lead singer of 80's rock combo Marillion.

I'm afraid I don't know an awful lot about 80's rock combos. Was this the guy you saw fronting Marillion?

[bob fleming]

That's Goldie isn't it?

[SAS]

Blimey, someone might even tell me that a clown fish is in fact a fish and not the stupid ex lead singer of 80's rock combo Marillion.

I'm afraid I don't know an awful lot about 80's rock combos. Was this the guy you saw fronting Marillion?

Its NEMO    

[Nuclearsox]

That's Goldie isn't it?

What, the Blue Peter dog? You might be right but I remember him/her as having slightly longer hair.

and if it is Nemo Slater_Scott, what on earth is he doing fronting Marillion? Doesn't he know his dad's out looking for him!?

[Radagast]

I know they can be a bit naughty and sometimes 'have a go' at unsuspecting passers by but lets be fair, they mean no harm.

Geese everytime.

Always looking for a rumble when out in public and guaranteed to try and start a barney with any unsuspecting, innocent bystander within range.  Complete nutjobs who have no regard for their own safety, making them fearless and relentless in their attacks.  Usually don't give up once they've kicked off and will happily give chase waving broken bottles or knives.

Nothing to do with the fact that I was the victim of a malicious and unprovoked attack as a 6 year old on holiday near a farm once.  Still wake up in tears with the sound of angry honks now and again -  when will it stop ?

Nothing against swans, mind, but I'd wager on the Geese everytime; be warned they're serious headcases y'know !

Sharks vs Tigers ?  Sharks would win.  Why ?  Could you imagine Tony the Tiger surviving in any of the Jaws films?

Me, neither (and, yes, I have taken Tony's impeccable extreme sports-related skills into consideration).

Especially that one from the last Jaws (I think)  that had the ability to levitate itslef above the water and had a Darwin-defying ability to roar rather fearsomely. Would murder a tiger any day.