Mike E

When I first listened to it last night, I was in my car driving home from work and I had to pull into the services, as I was crying from laughing so much

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNAM6At1/?k=1 Possibly the funniest story in a while, transcript below but the radio reading above brings it to life. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.... Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 250kgs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 70kgs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 20kgs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

It doesn't, I don't think. It's a horizontal white strip, and it's just difficult to see the stitching in that filter.

One of the funniest stories I've heard in a LONG time (albeit it's actually a golden oldie): https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNAM6At1/?k=1

Thank you to everyone who offered help (esp @Miller11 and @Giant), I've managed to bag 2x Dundee tickets this morning. Father's Day pressie not spoiled by the club being obstructive.

Just been there in Great Harwood. No sign of a footballer on crutches.

Some suggestions: John Anthony Brooks - CB, end of Wolfsburg contract, 29 and won CONCACAF with the USA last year. Eric Botheim - CF, 22, end of contract at Krasnodar due to Russia/Ukraine conflict, formerly of Bodø/Glimt so known to GB. Hördur Magnusson - CB, 29, end of contract at CSKA Moscow, previously at Bristol City. Alfie Mawson - CB, 28, end of contract with Fulham having been loaned to Bristol City.

Just a flash of that smile. That damned smile 😍

I get the feeling that the 'plan' is the same plan that Mowbray was given, but done (he says hopefully) with a better calibre manager and recruitment team. I'm not worried about relying on the academy just yet, but it does REALLY annoy me more about the mismanagement of Lenihan and Nyambe.

I'll have to see if I can fit into the biggest kids shirt then.

I'm pissed off about the whole thing, I'd promised Dundee tickets as a Father's Day present because we happen to be staying in Dundee that night after being at Open Practice at St Andrews. If anyone's willing to buy 2 and I'll pay you back, I'd be very grateful.

Yeah but why this year specifically? How does access to a £15 ticket convince me to spend a further £430?

Finally released tickets for sale, and then restrict them to ST holders. I understand doing it for cup games etc, but why for Pre-season? Never had an issue before that I recall and I've not had my ST for about 6 years.

I feel like it was one of those games that MacDonald took charge of when Sam had some sort of op? There were 3 games if I remember rightly?

Neil MacDonald I think?

THAT'S Lowe? I thought it was Dan Skinner's character off Shooting Stars looking for his plastic bag.

Thank you for this. It's really frustrating that the club STILL don't do subtitles on their vids.

I'm preferring (perhaps deludedly) to believe that we'll make 3-4 solid signings and rely on our academy guys to fill the gaps rather than external loans. Personally think that Carter, A.Wharton, Garrett, Burns should be afforded the opportunity throughout the season to fill in the 'Davenport/Johnson' type gaps. If we need bodies, use the academy rather than buying them. Buy quality if we need it.

The devil logo is an issue for me. Our 90s success means we shouldn't ever be displaying a Red Devil.

I've never timed a shag better in my life. All being well, I'll be on 12 weeks paternity leave from Halloween 😁😁😁

Blue sky today isn't it?

Remember under Hughes when we had virtually a full team of international captains and vice captains? Friedel, Samba, Nelsen, Mokoena, Savage, Reid, Pedersen, Roberts off the top of my head.

Frustrating that tickets for Dundee and Celtic aren't on sale with only 3 weeks to go

I'm trying use it as a 'loss leader' of sorts. Use it to generate buzz and sales in other areas. We certainly need to start trying something different. Prices of virtually everything needs to come down so that we can sell more imo.

It's give and take. Incentives to get fans buying AND in the ground are the only ways to grow income. If we want sponsors of higher value than we have now, we need to fill Ewood. No sponsor worth their salt wants to associate with a half empty ground. Seeing as we're stuck in the bargain bucket of sponsorships at the moment, I'm just trying to think of something unique to keep our club generating buzz. One of the best years for shirt sales we've had this century was the Prince's Trust year. Because we had the option of no logo. The only better years were 01-02, 02-03, and the red/black halves.