bob fleming

I know nothing about that, although there might or might not be a release clause in his new contract, I'm certain of that.

Yes. One more to follow though. I'm calling it "May".

Except this time all she's done is made herself look rather silly. Rocco Forte is the name that the Europeans use for their motorway service stations and the Orient Express is actually a train. And not a very good one at that (I seem to remember someone was murdered once). Jan, you'd be better off just flying to wherever it is we'll be playing rather than driving or using the trains. It'll be quicker and give you more time to get roaring drunk. You can then stop in a local doss house at 2 Euros a night 'cause as we all know when you're really drunk all you actually need is a mattress and a blanket. More top travel tips to follow soon.

"If somone talks about my private life I'll give them a good punching. I'm not interested in suing. I like to sort things out my way." Big Phil once said according to the Daily Express. Seems the perfect choice for the job then.

“Hey honey what you trying to say, As I stand here, Don’t you walk away, And the world comes tumbling down” – so sang Jim Reid of top indie pop combo The Jesus and Mary Chain many moons ago in the song “April Skies”. And it’s totally irrelevant. Apart from it has the word April in the title. So that’ll do for me. It’s not been the best of months though has it? I’m doing this now before the Charlton match for a couple of reasons: I’ll have more to say in May and defeat on Saturday would be too depressing to write about. So gird your loins and let's head to the start of the month…. Monday 3 April – Rovers 1 Wigan Athletic 1 – The chase for the champions league spot is now in full swing, no doubt scouts from the likes of Barcelona and Juventus will be tuning in to see what they might have to face next season. Skefki Kuqi. The big fella scored in the 84th minute to salvage a point for us in this one. You can knock him all you like, probably best to use a bulldozer, but you’ve got to admit he’s got some very important goals for us. In fact I’ve just worked it out, using the power of sums, his goals have earnt us 10 points this season. A great return for someone with the first touch of a wheelbarrow. Paul Jewell, the cheeky chirpy Scouser that he is, accused the referee of being a bit rubbish. Just because Lucas “Lion of Sydney” Neill was pushed into their Spanish keeper, Juan-Feelan, who dropped the ball he feels his team was hard done to. Well unlucky pal! What about the goal we should have in the 2nd half when Bellamy was clearly brought down when through on goal? Or when Pedersen scored but the game was stopped as Dickov was adjudged to have put Juan-Feelan off with one of his hard stares? In truth, looking back, on reflection, at the end of the day Brian, a draw was about right. We didn’t play well, they didn’t let us. Oh by the way MGP showed exactly why I think he’ll be a Rovers player next season, he just didn’t fancy it. Thursday 6 April – Fresh from their “Let’s get behind Accy Stanley for promotion” campaign, launched when Stanley were walking away with the league, the Lancashire Evening Telegraph launches a “Let’s get behind Blackburn Rovers” initiative in an attempt to increase attendances….. with three homes games to go. This’ll be followed up in October with a “Win tickets to the World Cup Final” and the inevitable “Help beat the drought” campaigns. Saturday 8 April – Portsmouth 2 – Rovers 2. Two fantastic goals from Bellamy in this one. What can you say about Craig Bellamy? Well other than he scored two fantastic goals in this one you can also say that he’s rather good. I’d even go as far as saying he’s the best forward we’ve had since Alan Shearer. Let’s just pray he’s here next season. Unfortunately we were up against a resurgent Pompey. They scored through Louie Louie and Toddisoff. They look favorites to stay up to me in this form, they did us a favour and drew with Arsenal four days later an all. On the journey back Rovers were hit by lightning. If only Bellamy was flying the plane, they’d have been too quick for it. Apparently the pilot saw some clouds, said they’d be some turbulence and to let him do the worrying. He then weighed the situation up and decided to head straight for the cloud bank instead of driving round it like what I’d have done. It’s so obvious, and it makes you wonder how people get these jobs. What else does he do? Does he stand under trees on golf courses with his umbrella up when there’s a storm? When changing a bulb does he stick his tongue in the light socket to check if he’s turned the power off? Does he have a season ticket for turf moor? Monday 10 April – Rovers sign Zurab Khizanishvili (or Johnny Slippers as I call him, there’s something not quite right about a centre half wearing white boots) from Rangers for an undisclosed fee. I can exclusively reveal though that we got him for free. Rangers felt a bit guilty about the Amourso and Ferguson thing and didn’t have the front to ask for any money. Then again we got Tugay and he signed a new contract that’ll keep him at Ewood until the end of next season, so maybe things have evened themselves out? Nah. Saturday, no sorry, Sunday. Or was it Saturday? Who knows, it’s all very confusing. Anyway, round about the middle of the month we played Liverpool at home. The LET campaign is clearly working as Liverpool sold out the entire Darwen End and we enjoy one of our biggest gates of the season. Blackburn Rovers 0 Liverpool 1. Robbie Fowler scored the only goal of the game. Cisse was so far offside he was spotted in the concourse of the Blackburn End buying a pie. A dreadful decision by the officials as it went against us but the problem surely is that the rule is open to interpretation. Does anyone think that had it been us on the attack, and say for example Bentley was stood in an offside position, then it wouldn’t have been a free kick? Of course it would, the linesman would have had his arm up quicker than Cisse changes his hair style. More depressing news was to follow though I’m afraid. Wednesday 19 April. Big Club 2 Blackburn Rovers 1. Mucky Butt and Fossil with the goals for one of the biggest clubs in Europe, this result briefly got them out of the bottom three. Ex Big Club player and still a favourite with the locals, Roberto de Savage scored our goal, an equalizer on 78mins. It came from a parried shot, which was taken with a complete lack of a sense of humour, but very efficiently, from our German substitute Sergio Peter. Andy Todd spat his dummy out, something that he seems to make a habit of round about this time of year, by throwing the captains arm band to the floor on being substituted for the defensively inept Aaron Mokeona. He nearly gave a penalty away, he’s a liability I’m afraid and should only play in that defensive midfield role. Hey! But what do I know? Mark Hughes was last spotted on the M65 looking for some wheels that have fallen off. Still it’s not all bad news, no game now until Saturday 29 April. Thursday 20 April. 6.50pm. I get a phone call from Mark Hughes. “Here we go” I thought, he’s going to give me some grief about something I’ve said on the website, but no. He starts telling me about the early bird season ticket renewal scheme. I tried to stop him and explain that I’ve already renewed but what does he do? He just talks all over me, extremely rude, he just didn’t listen. Of course I appreciate his efforts and taking the time to give me a call but in the end I just put the phone down on him. I wonder if this is how he does his team talks? Brian Kidd would have listened. And lit a candle. Friday 21 April. Further revelations are er, revealed, about the Brum match. Despite nearly everyone connected with Birmingham City slagging Robbie Savage off in the press for the last 16 months to anyone who’d listen, and there are many, David Gold insists that he is now over that episode and wishes Savage could put it behind him. What a nice fella eh? During the warm up for the big match with the Big Club and with all Big Club’s fans booing his every move, Robbie turns down the kind offer to shake Gold’s hand. Bizarrely Gold can’t understand why. Monday 24 April. BRFCS.com member, half man / half duck, Yorkshire exile and Rovers addict Jordan (clearly no relation to the blow up doll of the same name) wins the prestigious title of Rovers fan of the year. Jordan has been to the last 259 consecutive games. Seeing how he lives in Harrogate that makes them all away games in my book! Well done that man! Tuesday 25 April. The debate about whether or not Craig Bellamy has a release clause in his contract reaches new heights and spins out of control. Does he or doesn’t he? No one knows. It’s exciting stuff. The LET ran an exclusive interview with the jet heeled Welsh weasel earlier in the season where Bellamy confirmed that he doesn’t, since then ‘award winning’ sports reporter Andy Neild has forgotten that he carried out this interview and the Lancashire Evening Telegraph now report that such a thing may well exist. Earlier this year they also point out, among other things, just how expensive it is to go to football these days, how much better it is to be a "Sports" fan in the USA, and isn’t it obscene just how much money the players earn these days. All of which were reasonably interesting articles, but presumably did not form part of their campaign to increase attendances at Ewood Park. With friends like these… So we’re back to where we started, no not the Jesus and Mary Chain, Charlton away. So come on lads! Get back to what you’re good at. Two more wins and this’ll be a remarkable season. European qualification would exceed all expectations. I mentioned earlier that defeat at Charlton would be unthinkable. Maybe, maybe not. On their day our team can beat anyone in this league, especially a hung over Chelsea. It’s in our hands. Two home games to come of a great season, raise the roof, VE Day atmosphere, be the 12th man, roar us into Europe, etc etc You get the picture. Come on Rovers!

Sorry, I'm pretty sure it was Amo as well.

Good work Atomic! I reckon they'll be goals in this one and plenty of them in a high scoring game with plenty of goals. 4-3 to us. All our goals scored at the BBE. Altogether now "You can stick your femoral artery, stick your femoral artery, stick your femoral artery up your arse...! .....Sideaways!!"

Trevor Brooking. Scored the winning goal in the FA Cup Final in 1980. As did Alan Sunderland (79) and Ricky Villa (81). Trevor once scored a goal at Wembley that got stuck in the stanchion.

Brooking. With his head, he didn't get many with his head.

in South Africa.

Garth Crooks. Unwatchable. In fact I'd go as far as saying he's the most annoying man on television. The smug ######.

No more games in March, so here goes.... March. “Mad March”. “As Mad As A March Hare”. “Marching All Together” as they say in Leeds (to worry sheep). “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” apparently. “Beware the ides of March!” -Which is Shakespearean for “Watch yersel on March the 15th lad”. Fortunately we’ve no game on that date, so we should be OK. See you learn something by reading this rubbish every month. It’s not just about the cold hard facts and what happened with the Rovers. Thursday 2 March - Ryan Nelsen was warned about his future behaviour following a charge from the FA of improper conduct, after the home defeat to Everton on December 03 2005. In case you’ve forgotten, and I’m presuming that the FA must make notes, Nelsen stated that referee Mark Halsey has a history of sending Rovers players off. A heinous crime. Fortunately Nelsen has since learnt his lesson and has promised to never tell the truth again. Actually, more to the point, to never tell the truth in ear shot of the FA. Sunday 5 March – Tottingham Hotspurs 3 – Blackburn Rovers 2. What a cracking game. I seem to be saying that sort of thing quite a lot in this review lark. Some of the best football I’ve seen for a long, long time from a Blackburn Rovers side. At one point in a ten minute period we had 84% possession. Which, as we’re all aware, counts for nowt if you don’t win. Robbie Keane scored twice, he punched one in but took the other well after the linesman suffered temporary blindness when awarding Spurs a throw. Pongolle scored a cracking diving header from a Bellamy cross to get us back in it just before half time, making amends for missing an absolute sitter earlier in the game when his legs stopped working. Roles were reversed with our equaliser, Pongolle cutting back for Bellamy who scored with a splendid finish. And that’s how it ended. Oh yeah, apart from Mido scored and Stalteri handled in the box in the last minute, but to no-ones surprise, he got away with it. We drop to 6th. Clearly not the best day at the office for the officials and all credit to Mark Hughes in his post match interview, he kept his cool brilliantly. Here’s a manager who will not be falling out with the men in black / yellow / green / purple as a result of comments made in the heat of the moment. These guys hold grudges and nobody can tell me otherwise, they’re like little egotistic, bad-tempered, power mad chameleons. We’ve had a bit of bad luck in a couple of games this season, maybe we’re due a little more good luck? Still despite the result I was already looking forward to our next game against Villa. Wednesday 9 March. Roberto de Savage (copyright Stuart Hall) and alleged homosexual / confirmed ex-burnley footballer (the only dingle in the village?) Leighton James, have a bit of a do live on top Welsh radio station, Abergavenny FM. James insists that his close “friend”, Wales Manager John Toshack, has never had an apology from Savage after he decided to drop him from his squad, which is mainly comprised of Championship, League One and League Two players, an ex-character from Sky One’s Dreamteam and Giggsy Wiggsy. Never had an apology?!? Is he kidding? Apparently “Tosh” doesn’t have a mobile phone says James - "Why should he?" Neither, it would appear, does he have a television or a radio. Nor does he ever buy a newspaper. Savage needs to write an apology to Toshack, advises Leighton. A bit of a gamble that Robbie, he’s probably boarded up his postbox an all. Unfortunately for the Welsh FA, it would appear that they’ve appointed Howard Hughes rather than the next Mark Hughes. Saturday 11 March. Blackburn Rovers 2 – Aston Villa 0. Todd and Bellamy with the goals, both screamers, especially Todd’s, he’ll not hit one that cleanly again for a while. The result just goes to show what a funny old game it really is *shakes head and chuckles to himself*. We played badly and won, the previous week we played brilliantly and lost. So there was a big debate about what would you rather have? Play well and lose or play badly and win. To me it’s blindingly obvious that Mark Hughes tells the players to go out and play like Brazil in the 1970 World Cup. Unfortunately that’s not always possible. In fact it’s never been possible. Mainly because of the opposition’s childish tactics that prevent us from expressing ourselves. One day though you just never know. Wednesday 15 March. Following his presumed exit from Newcastle United, ex-Rovers coach and the Overlord of All Evil™, Dean Saunders is spotted in Iran with a hung-over Alan Murray, assisting with the development of nuclear weapons. Thursday 16 March. The Liverpool match is moved for the second time. Liverpool announced this on their own web site before Blackburn Rovers did, as though they made the decision. In my opinion we did the right thing. It was just the way it was it was orchestrated that was a bit off…. Rick Parry: “Hello John? Hi! It’s Rick.” John Williams: *silence* RP: “It’s Rick Parry!....” JW: *silence* RP: “Rick Parry from Liverpool?.....” JW: *oh sh1t* RP: “Rick Parry from Liverpool Football Club?...... “ JW: *Here we go, what does he want now?* - “… Oh it’s Rick! Hi Rick, how are you?” RW: “You with me now! Yeah I’m great thanks. You? Yeah, whatever. Anyway right I’ll get straight down to my business. Listen John, would you mind if we pi**ed you about a bit more? We’re going to have to move your home match again. Yes I know we said that 5.15 on the Saturday was fine but that was a couple of weeks ago and we’re out of Europe now so our schedule isn’t so bad. Look, I know it’s short notice so it’s OK if you can’t move it, you’ll just look totally compassionless to the rest of the country. It’s not as though you need any good PR is it la?” Anyway, moving on. Saturday 18 March: Blackburn Rovers 3 Steve McClaren’s Middlesbrough 2. The ground was that empty at 3.00 I thought they’d started laying on free ale at the Hordens an all. But no, it was just the turnstiles breaking down at 2.50. It made me wonder under what circumstances Rovers would actually consider delaying the kick off, surely 10 minutes wouldn’t have mattered? Another home win. It’s almost getting predictable. A great battling performance. Bellamy opened the scoring at 9/2 with a neat bit of his typical weaseldry in their box and he curled a sublime finish low into the bottom corner past a static Mark Schwarzer. Viduka equalised after some Birmingham-City-esque defending on our part only for Pedersen to curl a sublime free kick from an acute angle into the bottom corner past a static Mark Schwarzer. Savage was then sent off for committing two bookable offences. The first saw him tackle someone and win the ball and the second was when a Boro player drove the ball at his hand from five yards. The referee clearly had no option but to ignore any semblance of common sense and send him off. Therefore becoming the first referee to send Robbie off in domestic football. That’s something to bore his grandchildren with. Rickenbacker equalised and it looked like there would only be one winner. Then the Welsh Weasel scored a fantastic third for us. Cutting in from the right he unleashed a swerving, bending, bullet of a dipper (it seemed to move a bit in the air before straightening out and then dipping again and bending, with a slight suspicion of swerve) with his right foot into the right hand corner of Mark Schwazer’s goal. Instead of diving he’d have been better off just being static. A fantastic result for us and the first time we’d won with 10 men since 1932. We stay 6th. Tuesday 21 March – Liverpool fans notice that Steve Bruce has a rather large head during their 7-0 win away win at Big Club in the FA Cup. However it’s worth pointing out that he is not an animal. He’s a human being. Saturday 25 March. It’s all aboard Gav’s European Bus of Culture for a couple of light ales and we’re off to Sunderland. Slumberland 0 Blackburn Rovers 1. They’re really not very good. We’re better. We got the goal and then did just enough to hang on. A bit too confident? Possibly. I’d have felt happier with a 2-0 lead. Still it was yet another three points thank to Steven Reid’s amazing goal. Like a taller, skinnier, Irish Cockney Diego Maradona, with no hair, he collected the ball in his own half and simply tore through the Sunderland midfield and defence as though they weren’t there (…actually, thinking about it….) before unleashing an unstoppable strike into the centre of the goal which forced their keeper to dive out of the way. We move up to fifth, Arsenal didn’t play. That’s the end of the month. A month where we’ve won another three games and played Spurs off the park - but lost. A month that, in terms of points won, confirms us as the best team in the Premier League in 2006 (although ManU can equal that this evening). So the next time someone says to you that they aren’t going to Ewood Park and reels off some excuse for not going (you’ve heard them all before - it’s almost become fashionable to think up new ones) then just tell them it’s their loss. What lies ahead? Well we can make fourth spot. It’s a tall order but as I mentioned at the end of February: “The players are showing a real belief and a desire to win that we haven’t seen for a few years. Maybe we can do it? Maybe this is our time?” Hopefully we’ll still be in with a shout of fourth at the end of April, although just getting into Europe would be a massive achievement. This season is drawing to a close faster than any other I can remember for a long, long time. I don't want it to end! Whatever happens from hereon in Rovers have taken great strides forward. Long may it continue. Thank you Mark Hughes.

Can I change my vote to Big Sam? Grooby clearly isn't ready for this, he thinks it's all a big joke.

It's between Allardyce and Grooby for me. I voted for Grooby. Allardyce: Gutted.

We beat Boro with 10 men. Sunderland are garbage and we just did enough IMO. Sure we could have played better against them but maybe the players were saving themselves for what's around the corner? You're wrong about Arsenal though - we have better form than them and at this stage of the season it's only points that count. As for playing teams off the park - we did that against Spurs, a fat lot of good that did us.

Form Guide Last 6 Games PTS Man Utd W W W W W W 18 Blackb'n W W L W W W 15 Liv'pool W D L W W W 13 M'brough W W W L L W 12 Chelsea L W W W L W 12 Tot'ham D D W L W W 11 Arsenal D L L W W W 10 Bolton D W L W W L 10 Everton W L D W W L 10 West Ham W W D L L W 10 Charlton D D D W L W 9 Wigan L D L W W L 7 N'castle D W W L L L 7 Man City W L W L L L 6 Portsm'h L L L L W W 6 A Villa L D W L L D 5 Birm'ham L W L D L L 4 Fulham L L L L W D 4 W.B.A. L L L D L L 1 Sun'land L L L L L L 0

I'm not a big darts fan but I notice that Peter "One Dart" Manley is fifth out of seven in this league. What does he expect? He should be bottom. It doesn't say much about the two players below him.

Definitely on sale at Sunderland on the day according to Rovers official site. We've got an allocation of 2100.

Good for you but you implied that Shearer was pocketing the money - he isn't - it's going to charity. That's all I was saying. Anyway, we haven't been invited so let them get on with it.

I thought he was donating all proceeds from his testimonial to charity? Edit: Yes he is.

Well I’ve no idea what’s going on. First of all there’s rumours of a ridiculous price increase coming up. Just because I’m not going to become an OAP next season it looks like I’m going to have to spend the same as this season on my new season ticket. Can’t the club stagger it a bit? EG when I reach 36 they reduce the amount I pay every year, say £30, until I become an OAP? Then there’s the ridiculous amount of money the players get paid so I can watch them for free live from the pub every week. It’s scandalous. It’s enough to make me want to stick another tenner in the bandit. Then the club move the Liverpool fixture when they have little choice and then they make the turnstiles break on purpose. And before all that there was the FA Cup Final tickets sham in 1960. Not that I’m one to complain. Anyway we’re just bound to lose. It's so obvious. Stead hasn’t scored all season. They haven’t won all season at home. We recently beat them 2-0 at Ewood. They’re on course to become the worst team in the history of the Premier league. We’re on a great run, Bellamy is on fire. We may even qualify for Europe. Sunderland 9 - Rovers 0. Stead x6, Kevin Ball x2, Nyron Nosworthy x1. It’s all Savages fault for being suspended. I tried to warn you. Hughes out.

Here you go Hughesy, they really do think of everything.. This more or less makes it free for a year or two! However if you really want to make the "minimum" payment every month and spread the cost over the year / season then direct debit is the way forward.

Here you go Mr Seakhawk. Rovers to play NZ at Ewood on 12th August with the season proper starting a week later. We might be at home, we might be away. There's no way of knowing until the fixtures are announced. I'd say there's roughly a 50% chance we'll be at home. Good news about the S.T.'s - that credit card is gonna get some stick.

Jim, care to explain why we're less likely to win and that we're "putting in jeopardy potential Champions League points" by kicking off at 2.30 on the Sunday rather than 5.15 on Saturday?