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March Review

bob fleming

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Welcome. March this time round. I’m going to continue doing the months in order so we don’t get confused.

Another eventful month then for Blackburn Rovers. So, crack open a can of Castrol, put the zebra out, bolt the doors, lie back and cast your minds back to…..

Friday 2 March. The club makes an announcement that warms the heart of every true Rovers fan. At last they made a stand and stood up to be counted. What more can the club possibly do to attract the stay aways back?

Franny Jeffers joins Ipswich on a one month loan.

Also on this day Rovers announce that Season Ticket prices will be reduced by 25% next season!!!

“SLASHED” claimed the back page of the Lancashire Telegraph, but no, John Williams wasn’t, this was a premeditated announcement not something he thought of after one over the eight in the Ewood Arms.

Of course the rest of the country more or less ignored this initiative.

Typical conversation with a typical fan of a “Big” club: “Is this ‘coz you can’t fill yer ground, ha ha ha?”

Typical response “Well yes, partly, unlike that lot you support we have a small catchment area and if I’m honest it’s not the most affluent of areas. With the new TV deal our club have decided to give something back to the fans, about £1 million, rather than just spend all the new money on players wages, most of whom earn enough anyway don’t they?.”

Typical fan “Ha ha ha! Yeah! Ha ha ha! You’ve no fans! Ha ha ha!”

Sunday 4 March. Greater Manchester’s Horwich Trotters 1 The Mighty Blackburn Rovers 2

In terms on local derbies and intense rivalry this is rubbish. No one cares about Bolton. Possibly Bury. Over the years Bolton’s search for someone to have some sort of rivalry with has become more and more desperate, to the point where during the back end of February, BRFCS.com was invaded by a couple of their fans trying to stir things up. Whatever happened to “We only hate Man United”? Best not to fall out with your own I suppose.

Anyroad, we beat them. 2-1. The lads played well, particularly Ryan Nelsen and David “Dunny” Dunn I thought.

A pretty uneventful first half, marred by a Dave Bentley miss and countless long throws from Bolton, was replaced by a more entertaining second. Benni scored from the spot after Gary Speed (53) brought down our Dave. Benni then scored his second penalty ten minutes later, placing the ball in the same spot, Jasskelainen got a feeble hand to it but it wasn’t enough to stop it hitting the roof of the net.


Jaaskelainen – Limp wristed swine.

Anelka sulkily got one back on 87 minutes and hilariously Big Sam and Little Sammy celebrated an equaliser on the touch line four minutes later when the ball ended up in the net. Unfortunately for them the linesman had correctly flagged for offside. It was all so unfair.

A great win. We we’re still in 10th place but now just 3 points from 6th.

Monday 5, Tuesday 6, Wednesday 7, Thursday 8 March – Big queues at Ewood as fans snap up tickets for the imminent FA Cup Quarter Final Home match against Manchester City. Several people whinge and complain. It’s not normally this busy is it? Funny that, I wonder why?

Wednesday 7 March. Other news. Not Rovers related. Our East Lancashire neighbours burnley announce their own Season Ticket offer. Fantastic stuff. They’ve frozen prices at 06/07 levels for next season but should burnley win promotion to the Premier League they’ll give away Season Tickets to current holders for free! A cracking initiative. Hat’s off and nothing funny about that at all.

Friday 9 March. Tickets for the City game are selling like hot cakes. (Actually do hot cakes sell that well? You’d think you’d see more cake shops around wouldn’t you? You’d think if they were that popular every other shop would be a cake shop. Over rated if you ask me, give me a pie any day of the week. Or a pint. Actually a pie and a pint would be great. Why aren’t there any Pie and Pint shops around? I suppose there are really, they’re called pubs.) Some City fans are even buying scarves from the club shop in order to disguise themselves as Rovers fans to get tickets. However, at least one City fan wasn’t “sorted” and didn’t think it a “top one” and could be heard grumbling that he couldn’t get a mini kit or a car sticker for his car for his next ram raid.

Elsewhere the Lancashire Telegraph’s coverage of the biggest game of the season reaches record levels of lethargy. Their back page headline stated that Accy Stanley might get relegated this season.

Sunday 11 March. Blackburn Rovers 2 Manchester City 0

That was us safely into the last four of the Cup!

City started brightly before they realised after 20 odd minutes that they were never going to score. To rub salt into their wounds Th’Axe took it upon himself to score his first goal since 1997 (when he famously scored a tap in in a 15 a side game at Welizibuko Primary School in Soweto. He was 17.) slamming home and dispatching the ball into the Darwen End net.

“Toothless” City huffed and puffed, Barton Stamped™ on Tugay’s Achilles, Th’Axe was sent off, it all made little difference.

Sir Matthew Derbyshire of Ewood scored the second on 90 minutes sending 20,000 Rovers crazy. We were through into the giant mechanical “hat” thing! One win from the new Wembley! And if United get to the final one win away from a return to Europe next season!

Monday 12 March. Tragedy at the FA. Despite what was shown on television Ray Clemence was in agony when he carried out the draw for the Semi Final’s of the FA Cup. “Clem” suffered 3rd degree burns when handling the balls that apparently had the number 2 and 4 on them (the balls for Blackburn Rovers and Watford). I say apparently because no one actually saw the numbers.

Good news is that this should never happen again. Mark “Lawro” Lawrensen happened to be watching from the studio and stated that if ever the FA wanted a couple of balls warming up just to the right temperature he was their man.

We drew the winners of the Chelsea and Spurs match. Watford drew the winners of Manchester United and Middlesbrough. The FA’s (bad) dream final was still on; Blackburn Rovers v Watford.

Wednesday 14 March. David “Dave” Bentley and Sir Matthew are called up into the England U21 squad for the first game at the new Wembley. Many experts on BRFCS.com think that it’s a scandal that Bentley isn’t in the senior squad. I’d just like to point out that our Dave does play for BRFC; therefore by definition he isn’t worth considering as he just kicks people. Asking Stevie McClaren to have an open mind is just taking things too far.


Stevie: Smug. Mind. Closed.

Saturday 17 March. Blackburn Rovers 1 West Ham United 2

The Raving Irons arrived at Ewood on the crest of a slump, having lost their last six games in all competitions. They brought with them Lucas Neill, a man who will surely become a Careers Advisor when he finally hangs up his bank account at the end of his football career.

Nicknamed Lucash by many, some people were in two minds whether to welcome back a player who made over 200 appearances for Rovers, a player made Captain by Mark Hughes in an attempt to get him to stay, a player who turned his back on FA Cup Semi Finalists Rovers, turned down perennial European Cup qualifiers Liverpool in favour of a relegation scrap with The Irons and more money.

He got booed from the off, even when the teams came out he was booed. I was there to support Blackburn Rovers rather than boo that clown all afternoon.

Anyway, the game. We took the lead on 47 minutes. From a corner! Man mountain Chris Samba stealing in and thumping a header home at the near post at 33-1 from an Artist cross.

Things started to go wrong though. First off the Argentinean hunchbacked troll Tevez went down in the box, falling over his own feet (although Bert Mk II did his best to help the referee by not staying vertical) and referee Webb gave the penalty, which troll boy stuck in the bottom right hand corner.

Things went from bad to worse. The troll should have been found guilty of making one of the greatest ever goal line clearances but linesman “Blind” Jim Devine gave a goal. Replays showed the ball was nowhere near to fully crossing the line. Apparently the hapless Devine is a drugs squad police officer in Cleveland. Let’s hope he has more success with white lines in his day job.

Just when the officials had thought they’d done enough Webb then sent David “Dave” Bentley off for a harmless hand ball on the edge of West Hams box. Replays showed that Dave was pushed by Neill and that he probably just lost his balance.

The game was ruined by officials seeing what they wanted to see and not what actually happened. We all have bad days at the office but this really was taking the ****.

Finally, *serious face on* the technology is there now (and has been for a while) to stop these sort of incorrect decisions from happening. We even have fourth officials who could look at a TV monitor rather than merely ensuring that the managers don’t stray from their white box area next to the dug out. Maybe the FA don’t want to overwork these fourth officials? Maybe the FA don’t want to eradicate these terrible mistakes? Who knows? But it simply isn’t good enough.

Monday 19 March. FA Cup shock! Manchester United win through to their semi via a hotly disputed penalty! Chelsea also went through, seeing off Spurs 2-1. The FA’s (bad) dream final took a step closer.

Saturday 24 March. The “new” Wembley staged it’s first match. England U21’s v Italy U21’s. Ex-Arsenal player David “Dave” Bentley became the first Englishman to score at the famous new ground. Sir Matthew Derbyshire of Ewood also scored but was probably offside or something (and anyway it was only a tap in so shouldn't really have counted).

Elsewhere, or more precisely Israel, and the Stevie McClaren bandwagon lost another wheel as England played out a 0-0 draw in what was a thoroughly un-entertaining game.

Monday 26 March. Bizarrely Season Ticket sales at our East Lancashire neighbours burnley aren’t going particularly well. Viewers with basic comprehension skills will have recall that burnley will give away free season tickets to existing “members” if they reach the Premier League the season after next. Wow!

In order to drum up further interest in this amazing offer and to show just how confident the bfc board were that they’ll reach their target of promotion to the ‘promised land’ the following added extras were thrown in:

“Alreet? Reet, should club win promotion t’Premier we’ll also throw in, for nowt of course, t’Season Ticket patrons: -

1. Lads, a date wi’that Angelina Jolie lass or that bird owt ot Hollyoaks or any other fancy bird thee fancies.

2. Ladies, we got Jolie for t’lads, so it’s only fair. You’ve guessed it, a night down t’club with Barry Kilby.

3. Free ale for a year from t’pub.

4. A Ferrari or a Porsche motor vehicle for driving t’Barlick and what hav thee.

5. A proper nice big house (wi’ windows).

6. A claret and blue Space Shuttle from t’NASA.

7. South America.

We look forward to seeing thee next season! (But, obviously, not t’season after…)

Best regards

Baz Kilby”

Wednesday 28 March. England bounced back and soundly thrashed The Rose & Crown 3-0. All is well in the world.

Saturday 31 March. Manchester United 4 Blackburn Rovers 1

They’re not a bad team are they?

We took the lead. The Artist crossed from the left, Carrick tried to score an own goal, van der Sar spilt his effort and Sir Matthew Derbyshire of Ewood pounced to smash the ball into the roof of the net, scoring his seventh goal of 2007.

Second half, they scored four. I've nothing else to say about this match, go and buy a paper or something.

And that concludes the month of March. Only four games but a busy time. Won 2 Lost 2. As ever, the next month of the season is our biggest. See you at Old Trafford.

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Monday 12 March. Tragedy at the FA. Despite what was shown on television Ray Clemence was in agony when he carried out the draw for the Semi Final’s of the FA Cup. “Clem” suffered 3rd degree burns when handling the balls

legendary bob

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