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[Archived] Portsmouth V. Blackburn


rover6

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Portsmouth v Blackburn: Sunday 27th April 2008: 1.30pm KO

After Portsmouth fell to the men with the impressive hair (Sven and Benjani), this could be a good moment to catch the daydreaming FA Cup finalists

Last week I got that Aaron Mokoena feeling (you know, when a preview’s floated into the penalty area and you know you’re meant to meet it but you’re feeling a little lethargic so you act as if the pitch is being strafed by a WWII fighter plane). So, I contacted a Rovers legend to help me out with this preview.

And this is his return:

“Dear Mark,

Thank you for your letter. I am sorry if you were inconvenienced in trying to contact me but for compelling reasons, I am residing on a small island off the coast of Mauritania. Your letter got to me late (my postman doubles as a goat herd), so I can also only apologise for the tardiness of this response.

I am glad that you contacted me for an in-depth preparatory report for your forthcoming game against Portsmouth. After God, I do believe that I am the most qualified person for the task. The bulk of your team were signed by me and reached unprecedented career heights under my tutelage. It was sad to leave them but it was God’s will and I understand that they are in fair hands now.

To the task in hand: you wish to know about Portsmouth and more particularly, how to set-up your team to defeat them. My bed and breakfast here includes satellite television, so I have been able to keep a close eye on their progress in the Premier League.

I can tell you that Portsmouth are a very strong outfit. The basis of their success? – black men. Over here on my island, I have noticed that the natives are capable of great feats of athleticism and endurance. Only the other day, my postman (goat herd) did his entire island delivery round under an hour - whilst carrying two newly born kids over his shoulders, conducting his herd and humming a Mauritanian ditty about the girth of Lorenzo Amoruso.

On witnessing this achievement, it dawned upon me that black people do have extraordinary physiques. Dwight Yorke must, I assume, be Asian or albino. I was quite excited about my discovery – and imagine the emotions that engulfed me when I read in my athletics almanac that black men always win the Olympics 100m dash? Charles Darwin was a pioneer in one field, but after this discovery surely I must be destined for supra-greatness as a multi-discipline visionary. Not many people crack football and then go onto excel elsewhere.

Ciccio Grabbi can never trouble me again. I will hire a crack-former SAS team to protect me at all times. Bliss. Just to explain, one of the reasons for my current hermitage is that I am being stalked by a man called Ciccio Grabbi. This hairy man seems to attribute his existence to me and wants me to be his mother. Ridiculous.

On to more important things, I suggest that you field all your black men for this game, and perhaps your mixed race men. This way you will combat Portsmouth’s physical strength. I also suggest that you play an ASLW. This position was pioneered by me, whilst at Rovers. ASLW stands for “aerially strong left winger”. Essentially, you play a clumsy, beast of a defender on the left wing and the clever thing is, he will win headers all day long against the opposition right winger. But there’s more, he will also confuse the opposition as to your formation. Some people are born great, eh?

In addition, I propose that you play Garry Flitcroft. His legs have gone, admittedly, but his larynx functions like a dream. He will drive the team on with words of encouragement and this means that you can concentrate on abusing the match officials – or confronting the other manager. Whilst you’re at it, give him and Jonny Douglas 5-7 years contract extensions. It will help them pay off their Caribbean island instalments.

If you follow the above suggestions, I think you will have no trouble in steam-rollering Portsmouth. However, as we know Lady Luck is Lady Luck, so an unfortunate ricochet may mean you only draw the game. If this is the case, simply utter some clichés about ‘big boys’ and ‘taking it on the chin’ to the media. Then in training call the striker who missed the most chances ‘play boy’ and then rake your studs down his calf. Works a dream, trust me.

By the way, if you come across God can you get him to contact me? I hear he’s on Sky quite often. I need him to write me reference for a job I am applying for. There’s a vacancy for a rear-end of a Camel at the local panto,

Yours Sincerely,

Alan Murray.

P.S I hear Newcastle are winning again under the Messiah. I can assure you, this cannot be true as I have not been in England for years ”

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Thanks, 92er.

Just to add, for all I know, Alan Murray is a really nice, hard-working man. The above is just a joke, so hopefully no-one takes it the wrong way. (You never know who reads stuff).

The mockery of Souness, however, is intended and deserving. Sorry.

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He doesn't seem to be too clued up about football TBH

alan murray

Alan was born in 1953. His primary interests are Music and Rupert Bear.

I'm always suspicious of a man that doesn't list football as a primary interest - particularly one that lists Rupert Bear as a primary interest.

Nice preview Rover6 - a bit different!

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I'll be there on Sunday. £34 a ticket! Rip-off given that it's a televised game!

I'm getting married on Friday and I feel optimistic after our perfomance against Manure. So i'm going for 2-1 to Rovers, Benni and Rocky scoring. :rover:

Blimey, you must be optimistic if you think Benni will score. Here's to good old optimism eh!

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The mockery of Souness, however, is intended and deserving. Sorry.

That would be the fella that brought us promotion,silverware and europe.......

WHY THE F DOES HE DESERVE MOCKING AS ITS DESERVED??????????

0-0 pompey game methinks

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That would be the fella that brought us promotion,silverware and europe.......

WHY THE F DOES HE DESERVE MOCKING AS ITS DESERVED??????????

0-0 pompey game methinks

Hear hear!

Souness took over when we were well and truly in the ****! He took us straight up in his first full season, won a trophy and into Europe on numerous occasions. OK he started to lose the plot towards the end and did us a favour in doing one to Newcastle, but the guy should be revered as one of our best managers.

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Blimey, you must be optimistic if you think Benni will score. Here's to good old optimism eh!

Well he did the business last season and Hughes has given him a new deal. Keep the faith. Though Benni may not get on the pitch if we go with the new 4231 formation.

Souness took over when we were well and truly in the ****! He took us straight up in his first full season, won a trophy and into Europe on numerous occasions.

He also got us big brad when no-one else was really interested. :rover:

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He also got us big brad when no-one else was really interested. :rover:

And Tugay :rover:

Rover6's constant Souness bashing is boring to be honest, whilst i dont think you will find anyone arguing that he lost the plot a bit during his last 12 months here, before that he was nothing but a success.

Anyway for the game, 1-1, it seems like we both like drawing a lot.

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Well he did the business last season and Hughes has given him a new deal. Keep the faith. Though Benni may not get on the pitch if we go with the new 4231 formation.

I don't know about that. I think this formation could work quite well to accomodate Benni:

-----------------Roberts

Bentley--------McCarthy-------------Cruz

---------Vogel------------Reid/Emerton

There really are loads of options. I don't think he would start there but I could see him being subbed on to that position towards the end of the game if needed. It is pretty much the area where he spends the game anyway when he does get on the pitch and at least here he would have players in front of him to play one twos with and make him some space. His game would be all about getting in the box late to shoot and playing the clever pass on the edge of the box. Two of his strenghts imo.

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I take it theres only 1 place for the intertoto then not 2 like was mentioned a while ago ? :unsure:

I am sure that Hughes has said that he wouldnt want the 2nd place because you have to start even earlier? Cant remember where I read that though :unsure:

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Is it on Sky or Sultana???

In terms of Europe I think barring an absolute collapse in form by several teams above us leading to some shock results the European push is over. We have ourselves to blame for that, when we had a set of easier fixtures and didn’t capitalise.

The game on Sunday will be tough, Portsmouth are a decent side who will make us work hard for the points. I feel though with Portsmouth having one eye on the FA Cup final we could get a positive result, especially if we play like we did against Man United.

In terms of the team, Sparky I reckon will stick to the same team that played against Man United barring any injuries. He won’t want to change the team around after the superb performance in our last game.

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can see Roque reverting back to lone striker with Bents moving to the right again..would like to see Hughes use the formation he used against united again.

My Team would be:

-------------------Friedel-----------------

Emerton-----Nelsen-----Samba------Warnock

Roque-------Bentley-----Vogel-------Gamst

-------------McCarthy----------

--------------------------Roberts

so a bit 4-5-1 with Benni playing just behind Roberts and picking up the ball from midfield.

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Hear hear!

Souness took over when we were well and truly in the ****! He took us straight up in his first full season, won a trophy and into Europe on numerous occasions. OK he started to lose the plot towards the end and did us a favour in doing one to Newcastle, but the guy should be revered as one of our best managers.

He is by the "thinking" Rovers fan. ;):)

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