My Mum ...

[sympatheticclaret]

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process . Sadly, I can now complete the story ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..
In writing this , I'm acutely aware that we were all so fortunate to have both parents with us for so long, and so many of our friends and contempories were not so blessed ... 

God bless, Mum !!

Edited Thursday at 23:51 by Silas

[Mike Graham]

God bless you and your family.  This is more important than football.

Take care.

[Herbie6590]

6 hours ago, sympatheticclaret said:

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process . Sadly, I can now complete the story ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..
In writing this , I'm acutely aware that we were all so fortunate to have both parents with us for so long, and so many of our friends and contempories were not so blessed ... 

God bless, Mum !!

Sincere Condolences 🙏

[DeeCee]

Deepest sympathy. Take care.

[roverandout]

Having parents is a blessing.  I lost both mine 2 years ago as I've posted on here before from cancer.  Hope u get through it. It's hard to lose people u love. Give it time. It was my dad's second year anniversary on Wednesday.  Losing them both within a month was the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  My thoughts are with u

Edited yesterday at 08:27 by roverandout

[lraC]

Sorry to hear about your sad loss SC and hope you can treasure the memories you had and that gives you a degree of comfort.

[DE.]

Condolences. That was a lovely write-up.  

[Moptop1]

Sorry for your loss. Hold on to your memories RIP

[GHR]

I am so sorry to hear this SC. You give a lovely write up and there is something so wonderful about them meeting at a school dance and never looking back.

[aletheia]

16 hours ago, sympatheticclaret said:

that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ..

Fully empathise with that. 91 year old parent in care and I'm certain she would have preferred to be similar to your mum (if you see what I mean).

Lovely write up -all the best to you.

[...]

Condolences to you and your family and remember those happy happy years together.

Take care

[Cherry Blue]

Sorry to hear. Condolences to you and your family. 

Take care.

[Mike E]

Condolences SC. I’m glad you feel the forum is a space you can share that 🙂

[Andy]

Sorry to hear this, thoughts with your family.

[davulsukur]

21 hours ago, sympatheticclaret said:

Some 15 months ago, I wrote a tribute to my beloved Dad who had passed away due to complications from, " vascular dementia, old age and fragility ", which proved cathartic in my grieving process . Sadly, I can now complete the story ...

On Sunday 24th August, neither my two sisters or I were able to contact our Mother at her home in Clitheroe. All of us had rung her in the morning, but as it was usually the time she would be dressing, we were not too concerned. However, I'd been unable to speak to her by 12.30am, and with my sister's being away on long arranged engagements, I drove over to find Mum unresponsive, aged 89 in her home. The " 999 " operator requested me to start CPR, but after a moment's thought, I declined, having witnessed her sign a " DNR " form some years previously. The Emergency services team arrived a few minutes later and were wonderfully supportive. They confirmed that Mum had passed peacefully some time previously, as she would have wished, in her own home, without lengthy & debilitating hospital stays, or ending her time in a Residential facility ...

Mum had met my Dad at an " Inter-School " 6th Form Dance in 1953, in Nottingham ... They dated until he left in 1954 to do his National Service ( Royal Signals, Egypt & Cyprus ), and she to start her Nursing training at Westminster Hospital, London . Dad then took up a Choral Scholarship at Cambridge University whilst reading Engineering, ( Think the BBC's " Carols at King's " broadcast each Christmas Eve ), whilst she continued her Nursing, treating Clement Attlee, amongst others ... They married on the 5th September 1959, one of 5 marriages conducted at Dad's Parish Church that day, & honeymooned in Devon for a whole week !

Dad had lost his Father at 7, killed trying to rescue people out of the Rolls Royce Engine factory in Derby during a German bombing raid in 1943, and having seen his mother work two jobs to support her family, was determined that his wife should not have to work, after having children. He worked 3 jobs, including overnight weekend shifts at a petrol station, to save a deposit for their first home ..

I came along in 1963, my sister in January 1966, and later, January 1973, my baby sister, her " Autumn Leaf " ...

Mum was caring, thoughtful, generous and a fabulous Cook ... above all, she was a font of good advice and common sense ... my wife of 36 years adored her as did her two sons-in-law ... When our son married 6 years ago, my wife said she would treat Mum as the ideal Mother-in-Law template " Helpful, thoughtful, generous .. but never one to interfere ! " ..
In writing this , I'm acutely aware that we were all so fortunate to have both parents with us for so long, and so many of our friends and contempories were not so blessed ... 

God bless, Mum !!

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I think you always think that your parents will be around forever, it hits hard when you lose one. I lost my dad a few years back and it was harder than I ever imagined it would be.

It sounds like she's had an incredibly positive impact on you and your family, which is great to hear. 

Condolences to your and your family.

[The giorgis donis fanclub]

Sorry to hear that sc. My mother in law passed this April, she had vascular dementia and was in a care home in Whalley . Although it was a horrible thing in general the worst part was my wife taking the kids to see her one day and her mum asking who they were which absolutely  destroyed  my wife. Take care

[sympatheticclaret]

1 hour ago, The giorgis donis fanclub said:

Sorry to hear that sc. My mother in law passed this April, she had vascular dementia and was in a care home in Whalley . Although it was a horrible thing in general the worst part was my wife taking the kids to see her one day and her mum asking who they were which absolutely  destroyed  my wife. Take care

Many thanks for your kinds words, sir ! My heart breaks for your wife, my Dad never quite got to that point ... but I shall carry to my grave the look on my son's face, when we visited Dad during his last hospital stay, about 3 weeks before his passing. He looked around the 6 Bay ward, " I think we're in the wrong bay, Dad " ... I gently took my son's arm, " He's here, love  " ... he'd been working away for 5 weeks, and didn't recognise him ... You lose them twice with Vascular Dementia, firstly the person, character etc that you knew, and then their eventual physical passing ... Sending love and best wishes to you and yours .. SC XX  

[roverandout]

9 hours ago, sympatheticclaret said:

Many thanks for your kinds words, sir ! My heart breaks for your wife, my Dad never quite got to that point ... but I shall carry to my grave the look on my son's face, when we visited Dad during his last hospital stay, about 3 weeks before his passing. He looked around the 6 Bay ward, " I think we're in the wrong bay, Dad " ... I gently took my son's arm, " He's here, love  " ... he'd been working away for 5 weeks, and didn't recognise him ... You lose them twice with Vascular Dementia, firstly the person, character etc that you knew, and then their eventual physical passing ... Sending love and best wishes to you and yours .. SC XX  

My dad had brain cancer.  He lost his memories.  He also had parkinsons which made his condition worse.  Having a strong father who didn't know who anyone was, he hit me a couple of times in hospital when I tried to help him, I didn't blame him. Then as you say to lose him permanently is the hardest thing to deal with

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Your mum sounds very much like my mum. I miss her nearly everyday day. I have her bus pass where I can see it on the table next to my usual seat in our lounge. They were a great generation who went through a lot without feeling sorry for themselves. 
You were right not attempt any treatment. I found my mum in similar circumstances and I knew right away that she’d gone. 

My condolences to you and the rest of your family.

[roverandout]

44 minutes ago, Tyrone Shoelaces said:

Your mum sounds very much like my mum. I miss her nearly everyday day. I have her bus pass where I can see it on the table next to my usual seat in our lounge. They were a great generation who went through a lot without feeling sorry for themselves. 
You were right not attempt any treatment. I found my mum in similar circumstances and I knew right away that she’d gone. 

My condolences to you and the rest of your family.

I keep my mum's photo in my phone wallet